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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs compare the number of deaths caused by six diseases in Someland in 1990 with the amount of research funding allocated to each of those diseases.

The graphs compare the number of deaths caused by six diseases in Someland in 1990 with the amount of research funding allocated to each of those diseases.
#graphs #deaths #six #diseases #someland #amount #research
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The graphs compare the number of deaths caused by six
diseases
 in
Someland
Correct your spelling
Homeland
 in 1990 with the amount of
research
 funding allocated to each of those
diseases
. The figures clearly indicate that there were spent about 200 million funds for
research
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 AIDS,
while
 the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death from
this
disease
 was approximately 300000
people
. It is clearly seen from the
second
 graph that in 1990 the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 died from TB (1800000),
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 the amount spent on TB
research
 was the lowest (25
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
). For tropical
diseases
 and Leprosy allocated 75 million for each
disease
 and the level of death was 300000
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 tropical
diseases
.
An
Correct article usage
The
show examples
 amount of death by leprosy has the lowest rate, which
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 about 100000 dead persons. There are 500000 dead
people
 from Diarrhea and about 300000 dead
people
 from malaria.
The medical
Correct article usage
Medical
show examples
research
 spent about 50-60 million for
these
Change the determiner
this disease
these diseases
show examples
disease
 respectively.
To sum up
, funding allocation for
disease
research
 in
Someland
Correct your spelling
Homeland
 is not wholly determined by the number of deaths for which each
disease
 is responsible in a given year.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words diseases, research, disease, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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