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Band 3.5

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
World population is increasing day by day. Big countries like
china
a communist nation that covers a vast territory in eastern Asia; the most populous country in the world
China
 is experiencing massive growth in
last few years
Suggestion
the last few years
.
in
Suggestion
In
this
 essay
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 will be focusing on the reason, why we should be only concerned about our own communities and countries. All of us love the place where we have been brought up and the
neighbors
a person who lives (or is located) near another
neighbours
 who use to feed us, when we were kids.
That is
 something we should always keep in our mind. The reality of us lies in
there
Suggestion
the re
 itself.
However there
Accept comma addition
However, there
 are
lot
Suggestion
a lot
lots
 of people
faraway
Suggestion
far away
 from us who suffer
everyday
Suggestion
every day
 of their life.
it
Suggestion
It
 could be due to political turmoil or natural disaster. For
a
Suggestion
an
 instance, just look at the
peoeple
(plural) any group of human beings (men or women or children) collectively
people
peoples
 of
syria
an Asian republic in the Middle East at the east end of the Mediterranean; site of some of the world's most ancient centers of civilization
Syria
, the life they are living in & the difficulties they faced in the middle of
syrian
of or relating to or characteristic of Syria or its people or culture
Syrian
 rebels and
iss
have the quality of being; (copula, used with an adjective or a predicate noun)
is
. We see those visuals from the television and the social media. We are really very much concerned about them. But
first
 and foremost people around us are more important to all of us. Help our communities and analyse the issues that they faced
in
Suggestion
with
 every day of life.
for
Suggestion
For
a
Suggestion
an
 example, one of my
friend
Suggestion
friends
 from our town was in need of funds to finish
he's
male possessive pronoun
his
 degree.
From
Suggestion
With
 the help of our community
members we
Accept comma addition
members, we
 have managed to send him to
studies
Suggestion
study
.
Morever helping
Accept comma addition
Moreover, helping
Moreover helping
 your own people will never make loose anything from you. In
conclusion i
Accept comma addition
conclusion, I
conclusion I
 would like to tell help our people as much as we can.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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