IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is beer in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#city #life #beer #countryside
Some individuals argue that living in cities is beneficial ,
while
 others believe that a rural district is convenient.
Although
 bush operations provide a healthy environment and a sense of community, I opine that educational facilities and more job opportunities for a better society. On the one hand, landscape life more closer to nature as several green spaces, mountains, rivers and other wide-open spaces have a positive effect on human fitness breathing in clean air provides an upsurge amount of oxygen to the lungs , which increases the life span.
Moreover
, non-urbaners prefer to share their joy and sorrow and be more connected to each other.
Therefore
, close-knit communities foster a yearning for empathy and care, keeping them safe and secret.
For instance
, a health survey found that the persons who belonged to agricultural land were physically fit by utilizing simple food compared with the citizens who had consultancy to nutritionists.
On the other hand
, in the modern era, the development of learning institutes is a necessity to compete for the world. In the urban range, unlimited educational hubs are capturing the interest of back-veld students for their personal growth and financial freedom,
as a result
, migration from suburbs to metropolitan is common now. The clean and sustainable surroundings can not assist in reducing unemployment rates.
For example
, a leading research in America found that every year thousands of scholars relocate towards towns to seek sources of work to feed their families.
Therefore
, I
also
 support that the advantages of the civil field outweigh the others. In conclusion,
while
 green sustainable life and unity are greater aspects of backward lives, basic human sources of knowledge
as well as
 platforms for future establishment are incredible reasons to stay in asphalt jungles.I consider that fast space contributes to meeting the person's standards to fulfil their dreams.
Submitted by iqrariaz54 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs. Sometimes your ideas seem somewhat disjointed.
task achievement
Ensure that all your ideas are clearly articulated and expanded upon, especially when discussing the advantages and disadvantages of urban and rural living.
task achievement
Provide more specific and detailed examples to support your main points. This can help enhance the overall argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively frame the discussion.
task achievement
You addressed both sides of the topic and provided a clear opinion, which shows a complete response to the task.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • employment prospects
  • essential services
  • vibrant social scene
  • public transportation
  • commuting
  • serene environment
  • mental health
  • proximity to nature
  • outdoor activities
  • cost-effective
  • sense of community
  • housing prices
What to do next:
Look at other essays: