IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therefore certain jobs are suitable for men and others for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women #qualities #jobs
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Many individuals believe that male and female have their own suitable jobs
due to
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 different qualities.
Although
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this
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 writer agrees with
this
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 statement, some people keep the opposite views. One of the considerable factors is that
women
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 and
men
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 have noticeable differences in their physical strength. Females are usually weaker than
men
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 as their muscles are not as strong as their male counterparts.
According to
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 research in the USA, in the same living condition,
men
Use synonyms
 are much stronger than
women
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. Because of that,
men
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 dominate occupations relating to physical demands
such
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 as police officers, firefighters and soldiers. Another reason is their biological characteristics. As the body’s structures are not the same, there are some special skills that only one gender has but the other does not.
For example
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,
men
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 are not really good at hospitality and most
women
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 are better at looking after people.
Additionally
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,
men
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 are more logical and strict than females, with their strength;
therefore
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, they usually do risky and dangerous
work
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 that
women
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 do not prefer.
However
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, some people oppose
this
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 statement as they believe that both genders are equal. Because of the development of society, gender roles are now combined,
in other words
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, one sex can do the other’s
work
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.
This
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 opinion has its own view, but those specific individuals have to give a lot of effort to succeed and only account for a small number.
According to
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 a survey in Japan, only 5% of firefighters are
women
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, and their
work
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 is mainly in the background.
Hence
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,
men
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 and
women
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 should do
work
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 that suits their specific qualities. It is necessary for the government to enhance both gender's roles
as well as
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 not look down on any of them

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Introduction
To improve your score, ensure your essay introduction clearly outlines your stance and previews the main arguments you will explore. This helps the reader understand your position from the outset.
Balanced Argument
In the body paragraphs, aim for a more balanced approach by thoroughly examining both sides of the argument. While you mention an opposing view, elaborating on it with examples or further explanation could strengthen your essay.
Transitions Between Paragraphs
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay. Using transitional phrases can help link your ideas more effectively.
Paragraph Structure
To boost coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. Use topic sentences to introduce these ideas and follow up with supporting evidence and examples.
Conclusion
Your conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points of your essay, reinforcing your initial stance. Try to avoid introducing new information in the conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender roles
  • inherent qualities
  • social dynamics
  • merit-based selection
  • advancements in technology
  • levelled the playing field
  • gender stereotypes
  • equal opportunities
  • physical differences
  • workplace
  • evolving
  • traditional view
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