IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?

#crime #rate #offenders #parents #skills
An increasing concern for many people around the world is that high rate of wrongdoing by young offenders. Some people believe that to teach parents how to raise their kids will help to reduce
this
 crime rate. I completely disagree with
this
 phenomenon, and in
this
 essay I will give some reasons in
favor
promote over another
favour
 of my opinion. Generally speaking, there are a number of reasons why people believe that parents needs better knowledge about parenting skills. Perhaps the main argument in support of
this
 idea is that, now a days parents hire
nanny
Suggestion
a nanny
nannies
 or nurses to take care of their young kids. The result of
this
 is that kids are only well taken care but not gain any disciplines and sacrament, which in turn leads to
young disobedient person
Suggestion
young disobedient people
a young disobedient person
the young disobedient person
.
Furthermore
, parents don’t spend enough time with their
adult
 kids or young children because of their busy work schedule. In
modern era
Suggestion
the modern era
, parents become money-minded which gives them little less time with their kids. Because of that, parents can’t teach good traits to them.
However
, it must be said there are several arguments against the idea of poor knowledge about parenting skills. Perhaps the strongest of these is that even after better parenting
of
Suggestion
on
 child, as an
adult
 it’s their sole responsibility for their actions. An
adult
 takes their decisions independently, so we
can not
can not
cannot
 blame their parent’s parenting skills for their child’s action. In conclusion, it must be said that
this
 is a complex issue with no easy solution.
However
, I quiet strongly disagree with the idea to teach parents better parenting skills. If we teach an
adult
 child about their responsibility,
then
may be
by chance
maybe
 we can control the crime rate by young offenders.
Submitted by rajat26494 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: