IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children who are given pocket money every week have less problems managing money when they become adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #pocket #money #week #adults
There is no doubt
pocket
money
 play an important role in juvenile life. Certain people think that weekly
basis
pocket
money
 to teenagers will help them to manage
money
 when they become adults. We will see the impact of
pocket
money
 on
kids whether
Accept comma addition
kids, whether
 it should be given on
daily
Suggestion
a daily
 or after every
week
.
To begin
 with Weekly
basis
pocket
money
, Weekly
basis
pocket
money
 is educating kids to buy desire item in the start of the
week
 and to regulate all
week
 with less
money
,
Accept space
,
For example
 One have a strong desire to buy a smart gadget or some sort of computer game, As per the kids normal temperament, he will buy it at the same time and will try to survive in small amount for the rest of the
week
. On
other hand
Suggestion
the other hand
, one is clutching daily
pocket
money
,
Accept space
,
 he will save it for
rest
Suggestion
the rest
 of the
week
 to buy the same gadget or computer games and that will help him to save for a long time while having it
.
Accept space
.
 That’s actually a preparation for future
.
Accept space
.
 When you will be adult
this
 habit grow with you as well to reduce your
expense in
Accept comma addition
expense, in
 tough days when
your
Suggestion
you're
 earning is less. To summarize,
Pocket
money
 on daily or weekly
basis
prepare
Suggestion
prepares
 kids to manage their expenses. In my prospective daily
pocket
money
 will educate more as I suppose saving
money
 for weeks to buy something is better rather than to spend all and survive with less for the rest of the
week
.
Submitted by englishteaching0308 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: