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Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
Excessive
sugar
 consumption in processed
foods
 and beverages has been associated with numerous
health
 issues, including obesity and
diabetes
. Making sugary
products
 more expensive could help reduce their consumption. In my opinion, I firmly support
this
 idea and
this
 essay will explain why
this
 option is the best. When
people
 consume high
sugar
 in
foods
 and
drinks
 can cause many
health
 problems. When
people
 drink lots of sugary
drinks
 like sodas and sweetened juices, they have a higher chance of getting type 2
diabetes
, a serious illness where the body struggles to control blood
sugar
 levels. Having too much
sugar
 in our diet can make our bodies resist insulin, a hormone that helps control blood
sugar
.
This
 can lead to gaining too much weight, which can cause
health
 problems like
diabetes
 and heart disease. If sugary
products
 cost more money,
people
 might not want to buy them as much. They might choose healthier
foods
instead
, which have less
sugar
.
This
 could help lower the amount of
sugar
people
 eat and reduce their risk of getting sick.
For example
, in some places, they started charging extra money for sugary
drinks
. After a
while
,
people
 started buying fewer sugary
drinks
.
This
 shows that when sugary
drinks
 cost more,
people
 buy less of them. By making sugary
products
 more expensive, we can give
people
 a reason to choose healthier
foods
 and
drinks
.
This
 could help us all stay healthier and prevent diseases like
diabetes
. In summary, excessive
sugar
 consumption poses significant
health
 risks, including obesity and
diabetes
.
Therefore
, I firmly believe that making sugary
products
 more expensive is a beneficial decision.
Submitted by p.thongketkaew on

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Task Achievement
You've made a strong case for increasing the cost of sugary products to improve health outcomes. To further enhance your essay, consider offering a more diverse range of examples and evidence to support your argument. Doing so can make your points more convincing and well-rounded.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, which is commendable. To elevate your coherence and cohesion further, aim to vary your sentence structures and use a wider range of linking words and phrases. This will help your writing to flow more naturally.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your position, which is a strong start to your essay.
Task Achievement
You did well to present a clear argument in support of your thesis throughout the essay, maintaining a consistent line of discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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