IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people work longer hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Technical development and competition put more pressure on human beings to be responsible towards the
work
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. Nowadays people tend to spend more
time
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 at
work
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 and impart very attention on their free
time
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.
Although
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 working more than regular hours provides financial security, it may lead to
health
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 related issues in later
life
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.
This
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 essay will discuss why it is important to balance working hours and leisure
time
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 to maintain sound physical and psychological
health
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. Being involved in
work
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 for longer hours will make a
person
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 more financially stable. Because, working for longer hours may lead getting higher paycheck, whic
h help t
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o fulfil the rising needs of the family.
Moreover
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, having more
money
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 makes a
person
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 happy as they purchase the thing they want to buy and can give better lifestyle to the family.
For example
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, one of my friends wanted to get admission in the university for his higher education and was running short on the
money
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 to pay for his fee. He worked 16 hours continuously in the day for 7 days a week, which helped him to accumulate those amounts of
money
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 and pay his fees.
Although
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, giving up leisure
time
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 gives a e
person
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 sat
i
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an
sfaction in terms of
money
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, it disadvatges ov
erweigh adv
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antages. The prime disadvantage of not giving free enough
time
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 the body is that it may cause a detrimental impact on the
health
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. According to 'Worksafe BC' a human being should be working 40 hours a week for 5 days of the week and rest of the
time
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 they should participate in the activity which make them happy and healthy. Avoiding free
time
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 and spending more
time
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 on completing
work
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 may lead to physical and mental strain and may reduce the capabilities of certain organs of the body which may dangerous in later
life
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.
This
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 illustrated by the research report from the World
Health
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 Organization, which suggest that people who allocated most of their
time
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 working and rarely involved in leisure activity may have higher chances of develping deme
ntia- a p
relating to societies in which capital needed to industrialize is in short supply
developing
sychotic disorder in which a
person
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 loss ab
ility
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person's
to recall and memorise thing are higher. To conclude,
health
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 and family is the primary requirement for the happier
li
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fe, and peo
Suggestion
the happy
ple should understand
this
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 truth. Working for longer hours and earning more
money
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 is beneficial in some situation but
it is more im
Accept comma addition
situation, but
portant to give some free
time
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 to ourself to enjoy the
life
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 longer and happier.
Submitted by jankipanchal22 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: