IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows how much money is spent in the budget on different sectors by the UAE government in 2000.

The chart below shows how much money is spent in the budget on different sectors by the UAE government in 2000.
#money #budget #sectors #uae #government
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The pie graph compares the
budget
 of
UAE
Correct article usage
the UAE
show examples
 government
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different sectors,in 2000. Units are measured in
billion
.
Overall
,the highest amount of money was spent on social security,
while
 the lowest was used for transport.
In addition
,
UAE
 gave more preference to social security and services,
while
 other sectors were given less preference. Analysing the data on the amount of money spent on different sectors,
UAE
 spent exactly 100
billion
 on social security,which was 10 times more than the transport
budget
( 9
billion
) .
Moreover
 ,
53
Correct article usage
the 53
show examples
billion
budget
 was recorded
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health and personal social services, which was higher than
education
Correct article usage
the education
show examples
 ( 38
billion
) and
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
(22
billion
)
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
. Explaining
further
 the data of the pie graph,the
budget
 of debt interest was 23
billion
,which was exactly the same as money spent on other
expenditure
Fix the agreement mistake
expenditures
show examples
(23
billion
).
Furthermore
,
UAE
 spent around 13
billion
 on industry,agriculture and employment, which was less than they spent on housing,heritage ,environment (15
billion
) and on Law and order sector ( 17
billion
).
Submitted by anees1426 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words budget, uae, billion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "gave" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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