IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with.What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having large numbers of toys.

#parents #children #toys #child #numbers
Compaired
Suggestion
Compared
 to the past parents buy toys more than before. Having
benefits
Suggestion
benefited
 to the children to play with more toys. When in the childhood, toys are very important
to
Suggestion
for
 the children to
ocerall development
Suggestion
the overall development
overall development
 of their skills.
How ever
Suggestion
However
, having more toys not only getting
advantages but
Accept comma addition
advantages, but
also
 drawbacks are there. In my way of thinking, children playing with more toys
candevelop
Suggestion
can develop
 them by physically and
mentaly
in your mind
mentally
. Children learn to share with others by playing with more toys.
For instance
, playing ball and doing some games with cards.
that
Suggestion
That
 is very important to
siciety
an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization
society
 to develop with good ideas.
Moreover
, children learn how
tocare
Suggestion
to care
 of
othersby
Suggestion
others by
 playing.
For instance
, girls love to play with dolls.The little girls are washing and bathing them. Not only that
,
Accept space
,
they are feeding and
also
 doing some works like their mothers. On that way, the children can learn some responsibilities about the family.
However
, there are some
diadvantages
the quality of having an inferior or less favorable position
disadvantages
also
canview
Suggestion
can view
 from the children play with more toys.
some
Suggestion
Some
parentsare
Suggestion
parents are
 buying bad toys to the children like guns and
knifes
Suggestion
knives
. While children are playing with bad
behaviors
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
behaviours
.
Further more
in addition
Furthermore
,
Accept space
,
 when children have more toys, they
can not
can not
cannot
 manage them and they are not capable to protect them. In
conclution
a position or opinion or judgment reached after consideration
conclusion
conclusions
ofanalysis
Suggestion
of the analysis
of analysis
 of that topic, children can receive more benefits rather than drawbacks. In my
openinon
a personal belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty
opinion
,
Accept space
,
parents should have to buy toys which are not
g iving
the act of giving
giving
 bad
impactto
Suggestion
impact to
 children.
Submitted by sanliya1982 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: