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Band 4.5

The only way to solve increasing crime rate of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree?

#crime #rate #offenders #parents #skills
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Increased incidence of crimes
commited
bound or obligated, as under a pledge to a particular cause, action, or attitude
committed
 by young children is a growing concern
nowadys
the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech
nowadays
. Many people believe that primary prevention, by improving parental teaching abilities, is the most important method in decreasing these crimes.
Although
Linking Words
 I agree it is an important issue, the effect our
sociaty
an extended social group having a distinctive cultural and economic organization
society
 has on the
childs
Suggestion
child's
children
children's
child
 maturation and
desicion
the act of making up your mind about something
decision
 making is as important and should not be neglected.
Parental
Suggestion
Parenting
 skills
is
Suggestion
are
 important in the development of the child's character. By proper parental teaching and directions, the boy learns about moral borders and ethics, what is right and wrong and how to react properly to a social interaction.
As a
Linking Words
result he
Accept comma addition
result, he
recievs
get something; come into possession of
receives
 skills which
allows
Suggestion
allow
 him to integrate into our community, and
decreas
decrease in size, extent, or range
decrease
decreased
decreases
 substantially the rate of him
becomming
according with custom or propriety
becoming
 and offender. The importance of these skills was seen in an educational program performed among released offenders in Israel. By teaching them about proper parental education, the rates of crimes committed by their siblings
was
Suggestion
were
 10% less in comparison to other inmate's children. Despite the major effect parents have on their children, I believe our society has a much stronger impact on our
childrens
Suggestion
children's
children
 character. Our kids absorb the environment, and learn how to react to social interactions based on it. As a consequence, boys who are exposed to violent and illegal acts will have a higher chance of
behaiving
behave in a certain manner; show a certain behavior; conduct or comport oneself
behaving
similarly
Linking Words
. To illustrate, a research
perofomed
carry out or perform an action
performed
 by the Harvard University, reported that the rates of crimes committed by children
is
Suggestion
are
 10% higher among boys who were exposed to violent acts in their residential area, regardless of the
parents
Suggestion
parent
parents'
 education. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
 parental skills are important in decreasing the rate of crimes, I believe social factors play a stronger role.
Submitted by chilafp on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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