IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Globalisation has both advantages and disadvantages. Discuss both and give your opinion.

Due to
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 the advancement of
the
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apply
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technology and transportation, the whole world has turned into a global village.
While
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 some think that it has more advantages, others opine that
this
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development
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 has more drawbacks.
This
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 essay will discuss both views of the statement
,
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;
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however
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, I believe that
the
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Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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 is a positive
development
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. First of all, the main advantage of
the
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apply
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Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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 is
an
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the
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 expansion of the economies of the nations.
This
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 is
due to
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 the
development
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 of trade, namely
an
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the
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 export and import of
the
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apply
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products between
the
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apply
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countries
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 without any barriers. The wheat and maize,
for example
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,
send
Wrong verb form
are sent
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 from India
to
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apply
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all over the world.
Secondly
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, it increases the migration of
people
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 and
dissemination
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the dissemination
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 or scattering of information among the population of
human
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humans
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.
In other words
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,
people
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 not only move from one country to
an
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apply
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another, but
also
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 garner the knowledge of the different
cultures
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.
Therefore
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,
the
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apply
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Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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 makes the
countries
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 financially rich and
allow
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allows
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people
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 to live anywhere they want.
On the other hand
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, the
one
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apply
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main drawback of
the
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apply
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Use synonyms
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
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 is the disappearance of
the
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apply
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different
cultures
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 and
the
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apply
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traditions.
Countries
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 are becoming more and more similar
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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people
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 of the distinct regions adopt a similar culture.
For example
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, in India, most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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people
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 prefer to wear
the
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apply
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western
Fix capitalization
Western
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 or modern clothes
instead
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 of their own traditional ones. So,
this
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development
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 directly affects the variety of
the
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apply
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cultures
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 of different
countries
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.
Moreover
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, it
also
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 affects the tourism industry because of
similarity
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the similarity
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 between the nations. In conclusion,
although
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the
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apply
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globalisation has a negative impact on
the
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apply
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cultures
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, I believe that it has more positives,
such
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 as
an
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apply
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economic growth and
spread
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the spread
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the
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of the
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 population
in
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to
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 different parts of the world.

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structure
Plan your essay: write a short intro, two body parts, then a short conclusion.
grammar
Fix grammar needs: make verbs match and use the right form (for example, 'globalisation makes' not 'the globalization makes', 'are sent' not 'send').
cohesion
Use clear linking words to join ideas (but, also, however, for example).
content
Give more strong examples and explain them.
task
Make your own view clear at the end.
content
There is a clear view and you discuss both sides.
structure
Introduction and conclusion are present.
content
Some good ideas and a simple flow of ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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