IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Cities are becoming overcrowded. What are the causes of this situation, and what can be done to improve this situation?

#cities #situation
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Rapid globalisation and migration is certainly a worrying challenge, especially in urban
cities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay shall discuss the possible reasons and solutions
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation. Perhaps the main cause of
increasing
Correct article usage
the increasing
show examples
 population
Use synonyms
cities
Change preposition
in cities
show examples
 is because of unemployment in rural areas.
While
Linking Words
 some people shift to urban areas in search of
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
show examples
 jobs
due to
Linking Words
 their tagged responsibilities at home, others migrate to enhance their lifestyle
according to
Linking Words
 their capabilities and talent. In developing
cities
Use synonyms
,
for instance
Linking Words
,
labour
Correct article usage
the labour
show examples
 class is highly required for
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of homes and large buildings,
hence
Linking Words
, labourers migrate from small villages to big
cities
Use synonyms
. Another major reason is travelling.
While
Linking Words
 some people
finds
Change the verb form
find
show examples
 a place to reside near
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
, others travel daily to and from,
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 to the city which results in traffic jams and overcrowded public
transports
Fix the agreement mistake
transport
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, urban
cities
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
may
show examples
 maybe financially strong but
also
Linking Words
 overpopulated. There are few apparent solutions to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem. High capacity transport system could be launched, with ameliorated actions and coordinated
partnership
Fix the agreement mistake
partnerships
show examples
 between public and private industry.
For example
Linking Words
, if there are adequate public transport facilities between
cities
Use synonyms
 and
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
, people could easily move in and move out of the city which will ultimately reduce the emerging traffic on the roads
along with
Linking Words
 increasing non-residents of the city.
Moreover
Linking Words
, companies should allow their employees to work from home so that they can work effectively without getting tired
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
 travelling.
This
Linking Words
 practice would definitely mitigate the issues of overcrowding in developed and developing
cities
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, even though the
cities
Use synonyms
 will continue to grow at rapid speed,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
with the combined efforts of government and private companies, the issue of intensifying overcrowding could be relieved to some extent.
Submitted by koolkid_karan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the reasons for urban overcrowding and the solutions. Also, provide a clear position or opinion on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring the essay with clear paragraphing, topic sentences, and logical flow of ideas. Use cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the overall coherence.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: