Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Though sports and entertainment play a pivotal role in our lives, without doctors and teachers a civilisation is incomplete. Education and treatment are elementary needs,
whereas
others are secondary. In the case of earnings, it might be varied according to
the demands of individual talent. Thereafter
, my point of view goes against the statement.
There are several reasons behind this
. The most important one is earning mass capital depends on showing charisma in each field either in sports or in entertainment, and everyone is not capable of doing this
. Those who are able to prove that might get the highest acceptance. For instance
, Lionel Messi is one of the greatest examples of this
. He earned a lot of payment after proving his talent in football. If he failed to show himself, he would not have earned such
a large amount of wealth. On the other hand
, there are numerous players who failed to show themselves and detached from earning a smart amount of salary.
Additionally
, their career is for a limited time. As a result
, they can earn for a specific period of time when they have great acceptance. Otherwise
, they need to depend on their savings. Ronaldinho, a great soccer player in Brazil, earned a lot of money when he played. Unfortunately, now he is not earning, but depending on his savings, which are almost finished. If he had not earned and saved more, it would have been difficult for him to lead his life.
On the other hand
, as teachers and doctors are our basic requirements, we have to consider their situations too. Their income should not be as low as to lead their lives, but it should be such
a level that everyone can lead a comfortable life.
In conclusion, it can be said that although
the individual capacity of earnings depends on skill, consideration of professional workers is also
important to ensure the basic needs.Submitted by tanvir0507 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and relates directly to the thesis statement. Your body paragraphs seem to introduce unrelated points which can make the essay feel disjointed.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and sentences. This essay lacks the seamless flow of information that would come from the consistent use of such connectives.
task achievement
Address the prompt directly in your introduction, clearly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement provided. This sets a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
Include a more thorough development of your ideas with clear elaboration and detailed examples. This will improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay.
task achievement
Try to avoid broad statements and generalizations unless they are supported by specifics. Adding more real-world examples can strengthen your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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