Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #workers #doctors #teachers #sports #entertainment #personalities

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Though sports and entertainment play a pivotal role in our lives, without doctors and teachers a civilisation is incomplete. Education and treatment are elementary needs,

whereas

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others are secondary. In the case of earnings, it might be varied

according to

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the demands of individual talent.

Thereafter

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, my point of view goes against the statement. There are several reasons behind

this

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. The most important one is earning mass capital depends on showing charisma in each field either in sports or in entertainment, and everyone is not capable of doing

this

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. Those who are able to prove that might get the highest acceptance.

For instance

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, Lionel Messi is one of the greatest examples of

this

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. He earned a lot of payment after proving his talent in football. If he failed to show himself, he would not have earned

such

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a large amount of wealth.

On the other hand

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, there are numerous players who failed to show themselves and detached from earning a smart amount of salary.

Additionally

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, their career is for a limited time.

As a result

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, they can earn for a specific period of time when they have great acceptance.

Otherwise

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, they need to depend on their savings. Ronaldinho, a great soccer player in Brazil, earned a lot of money when he played. Unfortunately, now he is not earning, but depending on his savings, which are almost finished. If he had not earned and saved more, it would have been difficult for him to lead his life.

On the other hand

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, as teachers and doctors are our basic requirements, we have to consider their situations too. Their income should not be as low as to lead their lives, but it should be

such

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a level that everyone can lead a comfortable life. In conclusion, it can be said that

although

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the individual capacity of earnings depends on skill, consideration of professional workers is

also

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important to ensure the basic needs.

Submitted by tanvir0507 on Sun Jan 07 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and relates directly to the thesis statement. Your body paragraphs seem to introduce unrelated points which can make the essay feel disjointed.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to better link ideas and sentences. This essay lacks the seamless flow of information that would come from the consistent use of such connectives.

task achievement

Address the prompt directly in your introduction, clearly stating whether you agree or disagree with the statement provided. This sets a clear direction for your essay.

task achievement

Include a more thorough development of your ideas with clear elaboration and detailed examples. This will improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of the essay.

task achievement

Try to avoid broad statements and generalizations unless they are supported by specifics. Adding more real-world examples can strengthen your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

319 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Professional workers
Societal contribution
Scarcity
Market forces
Consumer demand
Role models
Economic impact
Revenue generation
Fair compensation
Social equity
Intrinsic rewards
Job satisfaction
Media rights
Merchandise sales
Public figures

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Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

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Some people think the increasing business and cultural contact between countries brings many positive effects. Others say it causes the loss of national identities. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

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