IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days there are technological advances developed from the most simple household item to a more complex device to make life easier for us and
therefore
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 save more valuable time.
However
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, we are surrounded by advertising that encourages us to keep buying these
products
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, even when in comparison with our life without them is not really different. In
this
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 essay, I shall explain perspective by analyzing each statement. It is important,
first,
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to distinguish that artefacts are created every day, generating acquisition habits. As we can see,
products
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 of daily use
such
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 as home upgrades or car accessories,
for example
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, only produce comfort when using them,
that is
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 not the same as if our most important activities depend on them, making their use essential. Unfortunately, marketing does exaggerated abuse by promoting
products
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 on television in commercials, inciting the purchase of those
products
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 that give us a feel-good sensation
instead
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 of a true help.
In addition
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, another factor to mention is that the world around us
,
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apply
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 is currently influenced by advertisements that we see everywhere,
for instance
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 on the street, on social media or listening to
podcast
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podcasts
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, promoting new
products
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 that are just in trend, which
also
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 believe creates a habit of recurringly get
products
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 of unnecessary value for us, said
in other words
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, things that are not important.
For example
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, organizers for the fridge are not necessary,
whereas
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 refrigerators have their own drawers.
That is
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 why I firmly believe that the high sales of each product reflect the power of advertising and trends. In conclusion, I believe that the community can make its own decisions when purchasing
products
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, but the environment that surrounds us is frequently promoting
products
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, from my perspective is that the power of communication is powerful and can influence society.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use linking words and phrases to properly connect ideas.
task achievement
For a stronger task response, make sure to elaborate on your arguments with more specific examples and provide a clearer analysis of how advertising creates unnecessary demand.
general
Check for grammatical errors and try to enhance your sentences with varied and complex structures to improve readability and overall score.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt, discussing both the impact of advertising and the real needs of society.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, providing a solid framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
You’ve made a good attempt to differentiate between the comfort provided by consumer goods and their necessity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived need
  • lifestyle aspirations
  • brand image
  • prestige
  • psychological techniques
  • scarcity
  • social proof
  • celebrity endorsements
  • technological advancements
  • product innovations
  • emerging consumer needs
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