IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy lifestyle. What do you think are the reasons for this and how can it be solved? Give relevant examples from your experience.

Unhealthy
Correct article usage
An unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 leads to many medical issues among
people
Use synonyms
 in the majority of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nations
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is happening
due to
Linking Words
 technological development and
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 given factors are responsible for
this
Linking Words
 problem
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Linking Words
further
Punctuation problem
further,
show examples
 it will suggest some remedies to solve it. A prime reason for
adapting
Use the right word
adopting
show examples
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is technology
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
technical
Replace the word
technological
show examples
advancement
Fix the agreement mistake
advancements
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 given many amenities to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humankind to make
its life
Fix the agreement mistake
their lives
show examples
 more convenient
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to the past.
For example
Linking Words
, machines have dominated every sector of the world
from
Punctuation problem
, from
show examples
 home to workplace. Where computers, xerox machines and printers are used to make office work easy
simultaneously
Punctuation problem
, simultaneously
show examples
 washing machines,microwaves and vacuum cleaners are playing their role at homes to give comfort to individuals.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 tend to avoid regular exercise like walking. Another contributing factor behind the attitude of
people
Use synonyms
 towards preferring
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 is
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
. As packaged
food
Use synonyms
, introduced from different nations, has given
the
Check wording
people the
show examples
 autonomy to
people
Use synonyms
 to lead a more comfortable life. They can enjoy the
food
Use synonyms
 of their choice by sitting at home. To better exemplify, there are many restaurant chains
such
Linking Words
 as
McDonalds
Check wording
McDonald's
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, Swiggy and Zomato
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 which are providing a variety of foods at the doorsteps of the
people
Use synonyms
 by which they
are getting
Wrong verb form
to become
show examples
 more lethargic.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are getting more prone to fatal diseases like obesity, diabetes and many more.
However
Linking Words
, some steps can curb
this
Linking Words
 problem to a large extent. To illustrate, companies can encourage their employees to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
exercise by providing some facilities at the workplace. They can make it compulsory for them to use the stairs rather than
lifts
Correct article usage
the lifts
show examples
. Google
company
Check wording
apply
show examples
is a noble epitome of
this
Linking Words
, which provides all the amenities to its workers to stay fit. Not only
this
Linking Words
, governments may impose heavy taxes on outside
food
Use synonyms
 to discourage
people
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 packaged
food
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 may set guidelines for the public about
appropriate
Correct article usage
an appropriate
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 diet to maintain public health standards. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 has many other causes apart from technology and
globalization
Change the spelling
globalisation
show examples
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
every obstacle can be mitigated with the
combine
Replace the word
combined
show examples
 efforts of
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. It is
also
Linking Words
 the responsibility of an individual to understand the importance of health.

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planning
Plan your answer with a clear view in the first line. State your main idea and then support it.
grammar
Use short, easy sentences. Avoid long, wavy phrases that are hard to follow.
examples
Give one clear personal example to show your point.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like first, next, also, but, finally.
content
The essay stays on the topic and mentions both tech and trade as causes.
content
It tries to give both a fix for work life and for public policy.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • technological advancements
  • fast food
  • processed food
  • dietary choices
  • stressful work environments
  • neglect
  • health education
  • consequences
  • advertising
  • health programs
  • active living
  • policies
  • availability
  • nutrition studies
  • conducive environments
  • pedestrian areas
  • media campaigns
  • healthy lifestyle
  • risks
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