Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is not fair. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
fact that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous athletes can
gain
Verb problem
earn
show examples
higher
paid
Replace the word
pay
show examples
than other fields of
people
. It is argued by some
people
, it is absolutely correct
whereas
others think it is extremely unjustified. I believe that it is unfair
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
other important professions of
people
. On the one hand, those
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
believe that famous game players deserve a huge rate of money because they represent the country of all over the world and make proud of all the
people
of nations
as well as
create a world record of the country.
Furthermore
, for all of
this
, they can follow the proper diet and spend more
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
for practice. So, it is totally fair to earn a great
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
amount than other fields
people
.
On the other hand
, Some
people
think that it is
fully
Rephrase
completely
show examples
wrong with
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
stream
people
.
Firstly
, other important field workers spend more
time
than
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
.
For instance
, the scientist can be innovated formulas, medicine, new technology and so on. For all of
this
, they could be spending more
time
in their life.
Secondly
, sometimes, military employees
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
their lives for the country and for
Correct article usage
the nations
show examples
nations
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
people
, but
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
end
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
famous and
not
Add a missing verb
did not
show examples
gain a high salary.
According to
me, it is unfair to other field employees because they
also
do hard work and give
time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
society and the nation.
For example
, doctors take a high risk to save the life of other persons because
people
’s life and
alive
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
is more important.
Thus
, others should deserve a higher salary.
To conclude
, some
people
think that
succeeded
Replace the word
successful
show examples
sports persons can deserve more money than other professionals
it
Correct word choice
because it
show examples
is fair for them
while
others think that it is unjustified to other professionals. I feel that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
it is unfair
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
other sector successful professionals.
Submitted by anitanayaka783 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure a clear and comprehensive response to all parts of the question. Develop your ideas further and provide more relevant and specific examples. Use cohesive devices to improve the logical structure of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by providing a well-organized introduction and conclusion. Use cohesive devices to better link your ideas and provide a smoother flow of information.
lexical resource
Enrich your lexical resource by using a wider range of vocabulary. Avoid repetitive words and phrases by exploring synonyms and related terms to express your ideas more effectively.
grammatical range
Enhance the grammatical range of your essay by using a variety of sentence structures and more complex grammatical forms. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement, verb tenses, and sentence construction to improve the overall clarity and accuracy of your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
What to do next:
Look at other essays: