Today, the majority of children are raised by their grandparents since their parents are busy working. To what extent do you think it affects the whole family?
Currently, there has been much discussion revolving around the role of guardians which is in a downward change.
However
, the grandparents take this
responsibility. Therefore
, some negative effects on the family members extent caused by this
issue, this
is my opinion. This
essay will delve into the details of the given topic, in addition
to my opinion that will be elucidated, along with
some corporations in order to justify my point of view.
To begin
with, because of the cost of living, the parents have to work as much as they can in a procedure to meet their children
's needs. To illustrate this
, take my sister as a clear example, as well as
her husband. They spend a great deal of time
on work because they need money. Hence
, her children
stay with my mother. Despite this
, their children
don't prefer to stay with her at the weekend. Not only this
but they obey the regulations of my mothers instead
of their parents,as well.Consequently
, the emotional levels between her and her children
will be in the minority in the near future. In this
, what are
the governments have to Unnecessary verb
apply
is
decline the family taxes Add a missing verb
do is
as well as
increased
the Wrong verb form
increase
fathers
stipend in the system to Change noun form
father's
fathers'
don't
stuck in Verb problem
not get
families
trouble in the near future.
What is more, despite some Change noun form
families'
family's
children
spending a great deal of time
with their grandparents, they can't get along with
them. Obviously, because the dogma of the elderly is totally different from the dogma of the youths. As a result
, they may struggle with some psychological difficulties in the long run. To clarify this
, according to
the panel of experts assembled by psychological experts, they pointed out that a lot of youngsters have communication difficulties as well as
mental disturbance because of the given issue. So that youngsters do not suffer from these dilemmas, what the guardians have to do is spend so much time
with them and bring them out in society. Eventually, these arguments collectively persuade me that the majority of children
have to be raised by their guardians.
In a nutshell, after a thorough analysis of the mentioned topic, it seems to me that parents have a great responsibility to raise their children
,although
the burning of the cost of living is on an upward trend.Moreover
, it is not a great idea to spend much time
with their grandparents on account of the mentioned justificationsSubmitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on
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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay lacks a distinct introduction that clearly states the topic and your stance on it, as well as a focused conclusion that succinctly summarises your main points and opinion. Aim to make your introduction and conclusion concise, yet informative and reflective of the content of your essay.
Logical Structure
Work on developing a clear logical structure. Your essay should have a clear progression of ideas, each paragraph should focus on a single main point that relates clearly to the overall topic, and transitions between paragraphs and sentences should be smooth. Also, be sure to use a variety of linking words appropriately to connect ideas within and between paragraphs.
Supporting Points
Support your main points with relevant examples and explanations. While some attempts have been made to include examples, they are vague and not fully developed. Be specific and detailed in your explanations to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
Task Response
Ensure you respond completely to the task. While you addressed the topic, some aspects of the prompt were not fully explored, such as the positive effects or a balanced view on the effects on family members. Additionally, make sure your ideas are comprehensive and clearly communicated to fully meet the task requirements.
Idea Clarity
Strive for clear and comprehensive presentation of your ideas. Some of your sentences are hard to follow due to grammatical errors or unclear phrasing. Focus on expressing your ideas as clearly as possible. Information should be presented logically, with each paragraph contributing to the reader's understanding of the overall topic.
Examples
Use relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points. Examples should be precise and relevant to the argument you are making in each paragraph. Avoid general or vague examples that do not clearly support your points. Specificity will add weight to your arguments and help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
