IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information.

The chart below gives information about global sales of games software, CDs and DVD or video. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information.
#information #sales #games #software #cds #dvd #video #report #university #lecturer
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The chart illustrates information about the number of
game
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
, CDs and DVDs that were sold between 2000 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
CD's
Change noun form
CDs
show examples
 are very popular globally during the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
game
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 are least sold among the given items in all the years.
However
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
game
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 followed
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 trend unlike
Use synonyms
CD's
Change the noun form
CDs
CD
show examples
. In the year 2000,
CD
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 are around 35 billion dollars, at that time
DVD's
Change noun form
DVD
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 are half the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
CD
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
. Games
Use synonyms
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 contributed approximately 15 billion dollars in the same year.
Following
Correct article usage
The following
show examples
 year, the number of
Use synonyms
CD's
Change noun form
CDs
show examples
 that were sold saw a negligible decline. In
comparison
Add a comma
,comparison
show examples
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 of both DVD and
game
Use synonyms
 software went up slightly. Between 2002 and 2003, DVD video selling surged reaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
values around 25 and around 30 respectively.
Next
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
game
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
 in 2002 improved a little bit from 2001
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but remained almost similar in 2003.
Finally
Linking Words
,
CD
Use synonyms
 deals remained almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 from 2001 till the end of the period.
Submitted by Goutham on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words game, softwares, cd, sales with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: