IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, some parents put pressure their children to be successful. What are the reasons for this. Is this a positive or negative development?

#parents #pressure #children #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern world, we are living in a competitive society, which is every individual trying to reach life goals and dreams to become successful. Nowadays, parents are forcing their children to become successful.
However
Linking Words
, studies show there are many negative effects on the children who force to perform.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many researchers have proven, freedom in childhood is essential for the development of the human brain. During a very young age, children learning them by studying world behaviours. It is often that every individual has seen, the world in different views
also
Linking Words
 their desire and interest will not be the same. But many parents expect their children to become a doctor or an engineer. As an example, if some students like art, but the parent will force to do science those students will
faill
make full, also in a metaphorical sense
fill
feel
 their life due to the lack of interest.
Secondly
Linking Words
, children need to interact with nature and beauty,
also
Linking Words
 they need love and freedom to think. Nowadays it is often seen that many children attend classes, at an early age
consequently
Linking Words
 they don't have much time to spend quality time with their parents.
This
Linking Words
 may lead to a serious mental problem.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there is a possibility, those who don't spend quality life with their families and nature, to become insensitive people in the future.
Finally
Linking Words
, I believe that the attention of parent is important to achieve the success of children, But mother and father need to understand their children and listen to their ideas and choose their path.
Submitted by kanishkadesilva2020 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: