IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Nowadays people use bicycles less as a form of transport. Why is this the case? What can we do to encourage people to use bicycles more? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #bicycles #form #transport #case
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It has been observed that fewer
people
 opt for bicycles as their main type of transportation.
This
 is because the
weather
 in some countries is naturally hot, making it inconvenient to bike to
work
.
However
,
this
 can be solved by placing shower rooms for employees to clean after their morning ride to
work
. One of the main reasons why travel by bike is not a preferable commuting option is the
weather
 as some places are naturally hot and some even are humid, making it difficult to ride bicycles to
work
. Riding bikes under the hot sun will make
people
 sweat, and eventually, it will smell bad if they do not get cleaned immediately.
For instance
, in Cambodia,
people
 admitted that biking is good for health;
however
, because of the unfavourable
weather
, many do not adopt
this
 kind of healthy exercise to commute to
work
. In order to promote bicycles as a form of transport, particularly for
work
, I believe having the facilities to enable workers to shower and get cleaned after the morning ride would be a cost-effective way.
This
 is because the employees will be able to exercise more often and,
as a result
, they will become more productive.
For example
, in South Korea, there are a growing number of workplaces with separate shower rooms for their workers because those enterprises address the needs of their employees and
also
 want to promote healthy lifestyles among their staff. In conclusion, the
weather
 is one of the main reasons why
people
 do not prefer to commute to
work
 by bike as they know that they will sweat by the time they reach their workplaces;
nonetheless
, it is recommended that workplaces, especially those located in the hot
weather
 nations should invest in building hygienic facilities so as to boost their staff performance.
Submitted by emteeme on

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language
The essay could benefit from a more varied range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures. Try to incorporate a wider range of grammatical structures to enhance fluency and sophistication.
content
Elaborate a bit more on how the implementation of shower facilities can be a cost-effective measure. This would strengthen the support of your main point.
coherence
To improve coherence, ensure smooth transitions between the points with linking words. This will make the essay flow more naturally.
content
The introduction clearly sets up the problem and the suggested solution is addressed effectively in the following paragraphs.
structure
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
content
Relevant examples from Cambodia and South Korea are provided to support the main points, which enhances the task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable transport
  • cycling infrastructure
  • bike lanes
  • bike-sharing programs
  • traffic calming measures
  • commute
  • subsidies
  • physical exertion
  • environmental benefits
  • safety regulations
What to do next:
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