IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

School teaching should focus on the success of the workforce and less importance should be given to academic acheivement.To what extent do you agree?

#school #focus #success #workforce #importance #acheivement
In
this
 age, getting an education is highly essential. Some people believe that schools should pay more attention towards making students successful in the practical world rather than focussing on their academic achievements.
However
, I do not agree with
this
 notion entirely because academic qualifications are the crux for securing good jobs and by adding degrees
one
 gets to know more about a certain field. To start with, academic achievements are vital and act as a certificate to get a decent and highly paid job. The more
one
 would be highly qualified, the more employment options would be available for them
as a result
 their chances of flourishing are high.
For instance
, during interviews an applicant's resume is being seen and the most important thing in
that is
 the education of the candidate. Those having spectacular academic records are given preference.
Hence
, it can be seen that degrees are very important to get good jobs.
In addition
 to
this
, by taking more and more degrees,
one
 gets more comfortable with the particular subject. As the
one
 with increased number of degrees has more and in depth knowledge about specific things, the contribution of
such
 employees would be more productive because they have spent years in gaining information about designated field.
Therefore
, they are fruitful for the organization they are working in, because the company would prosper more. A survey suggested that people having more educational achievements do get increased number of chances to succeed and they enjoy many privileges. To conclude, academic achievements are integral to secure a good post and they add
on
Suggestion
to
 the knowledge of
one
.
Submitted by talentcrm1234 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: