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Band 5.5

Some people think that men are naturally more competitive than women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #men #women
At the present time, both
men
 and
women
 are working side by side in order to develop the world. If we look around us carefully, we can see that
women
 are contributing
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 every aspect of life. Despite that, a group of people think that
women
 are naturally less competitive than
men
. I strongly disagree with
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 view and
this
 essay will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the topic in great detail. Nowadays,
women
 are not only confined to their homes
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 actively participating in all the worldly activities equally as
men
.
For example
,
women
 are becoming pilots, professors, doctors, politicians and even the prime minister in some countries.
Although
, there are some underdeveloped countries where
women
 have a
much limited
Add a hyphen
much-limited
show examples
 scope of work, even
women
 in that region work as a worker or other kinds of
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
. In spite of these
achievements
Add a comma
achievements,
show examples
 some people believe that
men
 are naturally more competitive than
women
, which really has no basis.
In addition
,
women
also
 take care of their children, which
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a gigantic task. Sometimes, it has been seen that a single mother is taking care of her child and doing
job
Correct pronoun usage
her job
show examples
 in parallel. A recent study has shown, that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
single
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 with children
are
Change the verb form
is
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 doing a far better job
to raise
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of raising
show examples
 their children than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
single
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
. To summarize, we can say that both
men
 and
women
 are playing an equally important part
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
 our world and
women
 are certainly not less competitive than
men
. In fact, if we see the reports we can say that
women
 can be more competitive if not equal.
Submitted by ei13unmzql on

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task response
Ensure that each point is supported with specific examples and evidence to further strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Make sure the ideas flow smoothly within each paragraph and use appropriate linking words to improve coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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