IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is becoming increasingly expensive for museums to be open to the public. What would be the best solution to keep them open, in your opinion?

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In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, museums are becoming more expensive for
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public.
Although
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, it is essential to
considere
Correct your spelling
consider
that
Fix the agreement mistake
the cost of
show examples
 museum entrance cost,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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these days its cost
going to be not
Verb problem
is
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 affordable for
middle
Add an article
the middle
show examples
 class. From my point of view, I will explain three different
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
show examples
depends
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Firstly
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,
museums authority
Fix the agreement mistake
museum authorities
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 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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think
regarding
Change preposition
about
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 public benefits, because without visitors they cannot establish their business in any
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
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. If they will consider the
ectrance
Correct your spelling
entrance
 fees, they will
more
Add a missing verb
be more
show examples
 beneficial in their business.
For example
Linking Words
,
London
Correct article usage
the London
show examples
museaum
Correct your spelling
museum
museums
 is totally open
for
Change preposition
to
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public
Correct article usage
the public
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, even though the authority is
cocacola
Correct your spelling
coca-cola
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
business man
Correct your spelling
businessman
show examples
 should help
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
sponsorship, because there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 least of
possibility
Fix the agreement mistake
possibilities
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 for others. Even
therefore
Linking Words
,
private
Add an article
a private
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 company can easily advertise their brand in front of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitors and it is the best way to earn more money for them.
Finally
Linking Words
, it cannot be handed over to private
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 in any
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
. All the
people
Use synonyms
 are paying
taxt
Correct your spelling
tax
taxes
 to
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
in particular
Linking Words
 sectors, so
government
Use synonyms
 should create a fund for public facilities
such
Linking Words
 as
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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government
Use synonyms
 gives
Correct article usage
a twenty
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twenty five
Add a hyphen
twenty-five
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 fee for for public entrance, that why
people
Use synonyms
 can visit their heritage museums without fees.
In addition
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,
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays cannot
much
Add a missing verb
do much
show examples
 visit
museum
Fix the agreement mistake
museums
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 because of the
high cost
Add a hyphen
high-cost
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 rate of
Add an article
the ticket
a ticket
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ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
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,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 children are going to despoil for their heritage. Hampering in their general Knowledge,
for instance
Linking Words
. In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that if private authorities and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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make
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
collaboration
Replace the word
collaborate
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then
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 will be more beneficial. They will be more encouraged to go to
museam
Correct your spelling
museum
museums
.

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language and clarity
Consider rephrasing awkward sentences and correcting grammatical errors to improve clarity. For example, instead of 'it is essential to considere that museum entrance cost', you could say 'it is important to consider the increasing cost of museum entrance fees'.
structure
Make sure each paragraph clearly addresses one main idea or solution. This will help to improve the flow of your essay and make your argument stronger.
supporting examples
Use more relevant examples or specific data to support your points, as this adds depth to your argument.
content
You have identified a relevant issue and provided several solutions, which shows critical thinking.
structure
Your conclusion nicely summarizes the main points and reinforces your opinion regarding collaboration as a solution.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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