IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #events #sports #olympics #tv #adults #exercise
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many people believe that the younger generation inspired to do
excersicise
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercises
 everyday by viewing the
olympic
of or relating to the Olympic Games
Olympic
 games on
televisons
broadcasting visual images of stationary or moving objects
television
, others think that there are other various methods to entice them to
excercise
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercise
. I agree that both the combination of strategies is necessary for a
succesfull
having succeeded or being marked by a favorable outcome
successful
 incorporation of the
excercising
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercising
habit
Suggestion
habits
.
on
Suggestion
On
 the one hand, some believe that the viewing people
plays
Suggestion
play
 on television inspired growing up generation
bue
you advance to the next round in a tournament without playing an opponent
bye
due
be
 to that the
individuals
Suggestion
individual's
individual
 mindset is
changes
Suggestion
changing
changed
tokeeping
Suggestion
to keeping
 body to be fit.
Nowadays most
Accept comma addition
Nowadays, most
 of the people do not like to do an
excercise
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercise
 because they hold the view that
this
Linking Words
 is extremely boring.
Therfore
Suggestion
Therefore
 watching these type of activities they changed their mentality
towords
near
towards
excercising
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercising
. To illustrate, recently in
india
a republic in the Asian subcontinent in southern Asia; second most populous country in the world; achieved independence from the United Kingdom in 1947
India
 the great badminton PV Sindhu who got silver medal in
Olympics
Suggestion
the Olympics
 is an ideal person when watching her playing in tv everyone inspired to do gym and
workout
Suggestion
work out
. Other people would say that there are other options to fascinate to do
workout
Suggestion
work out
 like to give special incentives on gym to get people exercising and
also
Linking Words
 in offices and schools gives a motivation
sppeches
the act of delivering a formal spoken communication to an audience
speeches
 by certified trainer like the usages of workout,
government
Suggestion
the government
organize
Suggestion
organizes
 some sports competitions and announce some reward
prizefor
Suggestion
prize for
those
denotes a person or thing
this
 competition these all attract the both
childres
the part of the body between the neck and the upper arm
shoulders
 and adults.
For Instance
Linking Words
, In
Europe there
Accept comma addition
Europe, there
is
Suggestion
are
 affordable gyms in each
aon
Suggestion
Aon
and
 every street
therefore
Linking Words
 everyone
use
Suggestion
uses
 those facilities and do gym. In my opinion, people who take
excercise
the activity of exerting your muscles in various ways to keep fit
exercise
seriously they
Accept comma addition
seriously, they
 do both watch others and while having access to the best training facilities there
is
Suggestion
are
. In conclusion, seeing people play sports is one method of motivating others to start exercising. Other good options include making exercising facilities easily accessible and rewarding participants.
However
Linking Words
, despite people’s varying opinion, I believe a combination of two methods
is
Suggestion
are
 crucial for maintaining a good working out culture.
Submitted by nikhilac47 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: