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Band 6

People. nowadays work hard to buy more things. This has made our life generally more comfortable but it is a pity many traditional values have been lost on the way to such materialism. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #work #life #pity #values #materialism
It is certainly true that today's lifestyle has become more materialistic than ever. Our needs have been rising by the day.
However
, to say that we
have been losing
Suggestion
have lost
 our culture and traditions in a rush to earn more and to buy more is a conservative statement to make. The basis behind the argument that we are killing our roots on the way to materialism is that a lot of people do not wish to change with time. Culture and traditions have a strong identity but they are like a flowing river, every minute the same and yet different. With open markets and massive industrializations both the buying power of and the options for the people have increased.
Thus
, they wish to make life more comfortable for themselves and their family and
this
 does not mean
that that
pointing out something
that
 they do not respect tradition any longer.
Moreover
, the act of buying or possessing does not directly kill our
values but
Accept comma addition
values, but
 there is a deeper disease called instant gratification where people want
to do
Suggestion
doing
 less and get more results. In
general there
Accept comma addition
general, there
 is seen an attitude of irresponsibility which makes people selfish and manipulative in today's stressful working conditions. It is possible that the pursuit to buy more results in wasteful expenditure and incidents of people dealing with their insecurity by going shopping.
This
 extreme consumerism needs to be certainly checked.
Finally
, I believe that we are not losing our culture and
tradition but
Accept comma addition
tradition, but
 the way of executing them has transformed in our times. Living a good, well provided life rather helps us take pride in our cultural history and celebrate it by way of rituals, festivals and day to day behaviour.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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