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Writing Samples
Band 6

Health care has always been a challenge to most governments. Some people think that governments should collect fat tax because fattening food increases the risk of diseases. Others, however, believe that people should be free to choose their own diet. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#health #care #challenge #governments #people #tax #food #increases #risk #diseases #diet
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Nowadays, most countries are facing health
care related
Add a hyphen
care-related
show examples
 issues. Some
people
 opine that the authorities should impose fat tax
due to
 the illnesses caused by the
food
. Others state that
the
Change the word
our
show examples
food
 choices are on our own, and we are free to eat whatever we want. In my view, it is better to use a tax to reduce obesity, and I will explain why in the following paragraphs. On the
one
 hand, an increasing number of
people
 in the world are getting fatter and fatter. It is a very serious problem, and we have to come up with some
soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 for
this
 crisis.
Hence
, I think a tax will be the remedy for
this
.
The
Correct article usage
People
show examples
people
 who are overweight usually are not willing to do a lot of exercise to lose weight.
However
, if the prices of
food
 are not cheap, some individuals will think twice before buying them.
Therefore
, I believe
people
 who like to buy junk
food
 will shrink.
On the other hand
, everyone on Earth is born with free will, and no
one
 can interfere with your diet. You can decide what for your meals
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is
one
 of our basic human rights. If you wish, you can eat fast
food
 all the time.
As a result
, some experts claim that human rights cannot be taken away, and we should
defense
Replace the word
defend
show examples
 our eating
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits
. In a nutshell, nations are coping with health problems, and some of them try to set up taxes to decrease
people
's suffering from diseases. I personally agree with
this
 statement.
However
, some scholars argue that it belongs to
one
 of our human rights, and we should not do anything about it.
Submitted by edward300225 on

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relevant specific examples
Try to provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. Personal anecdotes or relevant statistics can enhance your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that each point is thoroughly developed. Consider adding more comprehensive explanations to improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the debate on fat tax and personal freedom.
logical structure
There is a logical flow in the argument, with each paragraph addressing a different aspect of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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