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Band 5.5

Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #ban #sports #freedom #activity
People hold different views about whether unsafe activities should be prohibited. While I accept that the authorities ought to respect
civils’
applying to ordinary citizens as contrasted with the military
civil
 rights, I believe that it is better to limit dangerous sports.
To begin
 with, it is true that some individuals argue those activities which do not seem safe to players must be limited to some extent.
Firstly
, those sports might have adverse effects on physical aspects of players. To illustrate, bungee jumping or
skydiving
Suggestion
sky diving
 as two well-known activities among adolescents
are
Suggestion
is
 profoundly
distructive
causing destruction or much damage
destructive
.
In other words
, people who tend to try those types of sports are more likely to suffer from breaking or dislocating bones,
secondly
, regarding the huge number of injuries or casualties related to dangerous sport fields, it might impose
high amount
Suggestion
a high amount
 of medical care expenses on health sector’s shoulders in every country.
On the other hand
, some people claim that every government is responsible to devote attention to
human’s
Suggestion
human
 rights due to some reasons.
First
,
individuals’ attitude
Suggestion
the individuals’ attitude
 should be respected by policy makers because every person has various ways of thinking.
In addition
, sportsmen who are working on a specific field might have spent
majority
Suggestion
the majority
a majority
 of their time to become a professional player,
hence
 the governments’ decision may destroy their lives, or they might suffer from mental diseases
such
 as depression in the foreseeable future. In conclusion,
although
 someone thinks that
authorities
Suggestion
the authorities
 ought to consider people’s freedom, in my opinion, engaging in harmful sport activities should not be allowed by governments in order to reduce the number of physical injuries, and minimizing the proportion of the spent budget
on
Suggestion
for
medical care system
Suggestion
the medical care system
.
Submitted by bahare.mostofian on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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