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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet and television are giving more opportunities for the average person to become famous. Is it a positive or negative statement?

Advancement of technology makes the world a global village. In
current era
Suggestion
the current era
 of time we are living in a society in which each individual
have
Suggestion
has
 access to the television and
Use synonyms
internet
Suggestion
the internet
. Even an ordinary
person
Use synonyms
 have approach to the disruptive innovation in telecommunication industry, which makes them known around the world.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
now a days
the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech
nowadays
, a common
person
Use synonyms
 have
internet
Use synonyms
 and computer to make connections
accross
to the opposite side
across
 borders to participate in various
telent
natural abilities or qualities
talent
 shows, games or to deliver lectures.
This
Linking Words
 improvement is due to the cheaper availability of social media and
internet
Use synonyms
.
Likewise
Linking Words
, a
telented
endowed with talent or talents
talented
person
Use synonyms
 can address to a wide range of
audiance
a gathering of spectators or listeners at a (usually public) performance
audience
 through live streaming, by opening his/her own
youtube
Suggestion
YouTube
 channel or by rendering web services. In
real world
Suggestion
the real world
, there are a lot of examples that a
person
Use synonyms
 got rejected from television or music
auditition
perform in order to get a role
audition
. Later on the same
person
Use synonyms
 record himself/herself and uploaded on the
internet
Use synonyms
 that breaks the records. People are used to improvise online to become more social. Numerous scholars and professionals are providing
there
of them or themselves
their
 services online using various
source
Suggestion
sources
 of
technology which
Accept comma addition
technology, which
 is an earnest effort to spread knowledge and
recognisation
the state or quality of being recognized or acknowledged
recognition
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 outbreak advancement of
scoial
relating to human society and its members
social
school
recognization
the imposition of a new organization; organizing differently (often involving extensive and drastic changes)
reorganization
recognition
 is dangerous. Many people suffer through different types of
dipression
a mental state characterized by a pessimistic sense of inadequacy and a despondent lack of activity
depression
depressions
desperation
 due to lack of social acceptance. Likely, in order to gain more fame people are spending more and more time on
Use synonyms
internet
Suggestion
the internet
 and television, while doing
this
Linking Words
 they are ignoring their close relations. Sometimes an ordinary
person
Use synonyms
get
Suggestion
gets
 ready to take part in any
challange
take exception to
challenge
 or dangerous reality show at the cost of their life. People are doing
this
Linking Words
 just to become well known over night. In recapitulation, an ordinary
personh
a human being
person
person h
use
Suggestion
uses
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 technology to gain social acceptance.
Although
Linking Words
 it is a good development of
mankind
Accept comma addition
mankind, however
however
Linking Words
, the use of
thechnology
the practical application of science to commerce or industry
technology
 must be
controled
restrained or managed or kept within certain bounds
controlled
 to avoid any mishap.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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