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Band 5.5

Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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In
schools
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,
students
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 learn to analyse literature, calculate using trigonometry and understand how photosynthesis works, but often
students
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 are inexperienced and helpless after graduation when encountering the real world. It is
therefore
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 argued that
schools
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 should teach their
students
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 how to survive financially in the world.
This
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 topic is difficult though. Many educators believe that a school is supposed to teach
students
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in
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apply
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subjects that they will most probably not encounter again post-graduation
,
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 so that teachers can develop open-minded and well-informed individuals. At the same time, it can be argued that
schools
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 should impart skills that would be applicable in everyday life. Mathematics,
for example
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, is supposed to not only communicate actual mathematics skills
,
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 but
also
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 teach logic to
students
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.
However
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,
schools
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 are supposed to prepare the youths for their lives following high school.
Currently
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Currently,
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this
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 goal is not fully met, as
often
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students
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 are unable to handle their finances sensibly and
therefore
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 can often face significant problems.
Schools
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 that teach
students
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 how to survive financially could change
this
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.
This
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 significant shift in the ideology of education is unlikely to take place soon, as the education system has been in place for too long to be easily changed.
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Also
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Also,
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 a change of
this
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 scale would be costly, as teachers would have to be trained and a syllabus for
this
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 potential subject would have to be created.
However
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, in some countries,
for example
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 Germany, a community subject is available in which politics and finances are discussed.
This
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 leaves
students
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 from Germany in a better situation to deal with finances in their lives. In conclusion, training school
students
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 in financial matters would be very useful. Adding new content to the syllabus would require a significant amount of money, but the entire community would benefit from
students
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 being better prepared for adult life.

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Task Achievement
You have effectively addressed most parts of the task. However, you could provide clearer opinions and stronger argumentation to enrich your response; e.g., could you elaborate more on the potential benefits and drawbacks of this curriculum change on students' life?
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a very clear structure and good use of linking phrases. You've maintained a logical argument progression throughout the essay and your ideas are well-developed. There is a clear introduction and conclusion which enhances readability. Overall, keep up the good work.
Lexical Resource
You have demonstrated a wide range of vocabulary which effectively conveys your meaning. Make sure to avoid the repetition of certain words and phrases, and vary your language by using synonyms or rephrasing.
Grammatical Range
You have a good range of complex sentence structures and you've used them effectively. However, be cautious of minor errors and make sure to proofread your work for any slips in accuracy. Additionally, consider incorporating a wider variety of sentence structures.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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