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Band 4

People living in the 21st century have a better quality of life than the previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #st #century #quality #life #centuries
There are many educated
women
sit
Correct pronoun usage
who sit
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 at home in order to look after their children
as well as
 family and consider
as
Correct word choice
apply
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this
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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their responsibility.
However
, others, argue that they should be paid for their hard work. I, personally, believe that
this
 is an appropriate initiative
and
Correct word choice
apply
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that needs to be implemented for the betterment of the
women' s
Change noun form
women's
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 status. First of all, it is an indisputable fact that housewives,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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sacrifice their prosperous career ladder for the betterment of the family.
In other words
, in several families,
female
Correct article usage
a female
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 partner cannot
be continued
Wrong verb form
continue
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 her job once they get married as they are forced to take care
family
Change preposition
of family
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affaires
Correct your spelling
affairs
 rather than
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 for a job.
By contrast
, if they
continued
Wrong verb form
continue
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 to work, they may be secured the highest position in their career.
Apart from
this
, they
also
 encounter a lot of emotional issues when they are unable to
employable
Add a missing verb
be employable
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, granting a pension,
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
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, housewives can be
the recognition
Wrong verb form
recognised
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of
Change preposition
for
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 their hard work and
this
 surely enhances the morale of the
women
on
Change preposition
to
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 a great
extend
Replace the word
extent
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. Yet, another point is taken into account is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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by
Change preposition
apply
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providing
this
 assistance makes them financially independent, and they can afford a certain amount of expenses without depending
anyone
Change preposition
on anyone
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 in the family. Not only will
this
 make them happy, but they think that their contributions towards family
get
Wrong verb form
will be
show examples
 recognized among others as well.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society should understand that
women
 in the family play multiple roles same time; mother, teacher,
care giver
Correct your spelling
caregiver
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, cleaner, and so on. Having facilitated a regular income,
women
 contribute even more
for
Change preposition
to
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 the welfare of the entire family. By way of conclusion, there are some disagreements regarding allowing housewives to secure a monthly pension for their services in the family. In my opinion, I strongly support
this
 policy since
this
 uplifts
women
's status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. It is predicted that
this
 new development be implemented in the near future.
Submitted by Sal on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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