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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that there are many reasons that can motivate a person to keep working for the same company whereas others say that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree

#people #person #company #money #reason
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In
this
 day and age, there are various job companies that can be the choice for workers;
however
, some
people
 stand with the same company for several reasons
for example
: environment, benefits and perks,
work
 culture and career progression are the main factors that can build trust with employees. Alternatively, few
people
 just
work
 with the original office because of salary.
This
 essay will provide both factors in my view.
To begin
 with, nowadays numerous individuals still
work
 in the original firm with the point mentioned above.
Due to
the
Correct your spelling
this
show examples
 fact, job stability and career progression especially reputation and financial outlook are the major motives for deciding whether workers
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
stay or find a new better job. Indeed, everyone needs life and financial constancy, if the company can make them see the path to promotion it will make they have more motivated to stay with the company.
Furthermore
, another point is environment,
work
 culture, benefits and perks are
also
 essential factors in the life of working
people
. In fact, the environment has an impact on them so much if they have to face pressure and an unfriendly atmosphere it will negative on their mental health and their
work
; obviously, no one feels enjoyed in a negative atmosphere some
people
 have trauma with
this
 problem and can't solve it
lastly
 their quality of
work
 is not as expected and that capability with they earning.
Also
, the utility and privilege of instant, health benefits, bonuses per year, activities and retirement plans for servants are quite significant, it
an
Add a missing verb
is an
show examples
 encouragement for them.
Overall
, in general, money still be principal factor for every worker but the other essence is
also
 effective with personal resolving, if the worker can find an office that feels like home it will be great for themself
also
 their companies.
Submitted by np.napatping on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and transition smoothly between them.
task achievement
To strengthen task achievement, integrate more supporting details and examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
Clarify the explanation of ideas more thoroughly to enhance comprehensiveness and clarity.
task achievement
Aim to give concrete examples when discussing abstract ideas to provide greater depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, successfully framing the discussion.
task achievement
The essay addresses both viewpoints, showing an understanding of the nuanced nature of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Motivation
  • Stability
  • Career progression
  • Advancement opportunities
  • Work environment
  • Work culture
  • Align with values
  • Benefits
  • Perks
  • Job satisfaction
  • Engaging
  • Challenging
  • Fulfilling
  • Colleagues
  • Relationships
  • Company loyalty
  • Ethos
  • Personal investment
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