IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

#sports #sky
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Adventure trips are always interesting, but sometimes it could result in death and making it as a misadventure. There are certain recreational sports activities like skydiving and skiing which have swallowed several people’s lives.
Although
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, I completely concede that these kinds of near death sports activities should be banned, I can agree to it with certain exceptions.
This
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 essay will elucidate on which scenarios, it should be banned and in which cases it can be continued. On the one hand, skydiving and skiing have resulted in several deaths of people around the world. The reasons
to
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for
 these deaths are unambiguous.
To begin
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 with, lack of safety measures during these sports activities resulted in hip fractures and dislocation of bone in their knees or spinal cord.
Furthermore
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, the advertisements which were made to promote these activities did not record the precautions and prohibitions before taking up these challenges.
Moreover
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, there must be a minimum physical strength before commencing these sports. People who are not physically strong will most probably put their life in danger, if they take part in these fearful adventures.
For example
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, the famous skydiving practice
at
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in
 Dubai has resulted in some deaths during their inception phase.
On the other hand
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, there
are
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is
 a group of people who constantly hunt for adventures which could help to pump adrenaline into their blood. If these sports and their practices were approved by a legitimate sports agency in each of the countries, these
sports
spots before the eyes caused by opaque cell fragments in the vitreous humor and lens
spots
 can be allowed with more precautions.
For example
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, the skiing practice at Manali was approved after rigorous trials with trained supervisors.
In addition
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 to that, they have enforced multiple rules
to
Suggestion
for
 people who like to take part in Skiing
at
Suggestion
in
 Manali. Thanks to these rules, as it helped to avoid lot many accidents. To recapitulate, adventure is fun as long as it should not result as a misadventure. The sports which allow people with no safety precautions should always be banned, as every life is important. We cannot forfeit our invaluable body parts just for the sake of few minute adventures.
Such
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 types of adventures can exist, only if people do not die because of it.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • risk threshold
  • thrill-seeking
  • safety protocols
  • hazard assessment
  • adventure tourism
  • regulatory framework
  • personal autonomy
  • informed consent
  • risk mitigation strategies
  • thrill-seeking behavior
  • protective gear
  • extreme athleticism
  • freedom of choice
  • accident prevalence
  • emergency response
  • courage and resilience
  • endorphin release
  • legal implications
  • peer pressure effects
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