IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The funds for postgraduate research are limited; therefore some people think that the government should provide financial support. In their opinion, only scientific research should be funded, rather than other less useful subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#funds #research #people #government #support #subjects
Owing to the limited availability of state funds. It is being argued that governments should only help financially
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
those students who are in scientific programs. I dissent
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 release of education funds to science
courses
 only rather I believe
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 must try to
sport
Verb problem
support
show examples
 every postgraduate course Admittedly, it is imperative to fund the scientific programs of postgraduate. As these study areas can enrich the current scientific knowledge of
postgraduate
Fix the agreement mistake
postgraduates
show examples
, it makes them highly inventive in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology to carry out new inventions.
For example
, only scientific
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
knowledge has made it possible to explore other distinct planets like Mars in recent years.
Similarly
, an advanced medical study has
profound
Add an article
a profound
show examples
 impact on human life in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of health which can be seen from the improvement in life expectancy, so expecting to finance it is not a meaningless Idea
However
, the state should always subsidise other non-scientific postgraduate degrees
such
 as economics and literature.
For instance
, the former study
courses
 produce futuristic political economists who can better
analysis of
Correct your spelling
analyse
show examples
 the finances of a country. Eventually, they may help in making new politicians to prevent upcoming economical cripples and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 a country economically stronger.
Likewise
, literature and culture
courses
 cannot be neglected for giving monetary help. Because it not only spreads the sense of brotherhood
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 keeps people attached to their roots, which results in the secured social fabric of Civilization In conclusion,
while
due to
 the inadequate educational budget, I accept that money should be allocated to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientific research, I
also
 believe that educational funding
would
Verb problem
should
show examples
 not go to waste
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 it invested in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other research
courses
 in tertiary education.
Submitted by hunjanarun776 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provides a balanced view on the topic, acknowledging both sides of the argument. However, some grammatical issues and awkward phrasing reduce clarity. For instance, 'Owing to the limited availability of state funds. It is being argued...' would be clearer if combined into one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Some parts feel a bit disjointed, especially moving from the introduction to the body paragraphs. Use transition words like 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' 'On the other hand,' etc., to better link ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay maintains a clear structure with distinct paragraphs for different points. This helps in readability and understanding.
task response
The writer provides specific examples to support their points, such as the exploration of Mars and improvements in life expectancy, which strengthens the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • postgraduate research
  • financial support
  • scientific research
  • funding
  • advancements
  • technology
  • medicine
  • direct impact
  • society
  • public health
  • economy
  • humanities
  • social sciences
  • human behavior
  • culture
  • ethics
  • context
  • technological advances
  • balanced approach
  • allocation of funds
  • disciplines
  • knowledge progression
  • societal development
  • long-term benefit
  • education methods
  • mental health interventions
  • quality of life
  • interdisciplinary research
  • global challenges
  • collaboration
  • holistic solutions
  • climate change
  • public health crises
What to do next:
Look at other essays: