IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. Do you agree or disagree?

#positions #companies #men #workforce #countries #percent #percentage #women
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Although
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 female workers constitute the majority of the employees in developed countries, most top-level positions in corporations are occupied by males. It is argued that a good solution for
this
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 phenomenon to allocate a certain quota for females to fill some of these positions. In
this
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 essay I will explain why I do not agree with
this
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approach
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, I believe that progression in one’s career should depend on one’s skills and performance.
Consequently
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, forcing companies to consider
gender
Use synonyms
 as one of the criteria for promotion is not a healthy practice. Females,
However
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, should have similar opportunities for career progression without being discriminated against as well. With time
this
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approach
Use synonyms
 would definitely minimize the gap in a
healtheir
improved in health or physical condition
healthier
healthy
 way than pre-determining a certain quota for women.
For example
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, many studies have concluded that, companies that do not consider
gender
Use synonyms
 as a criterion when promoting their employees have an equal split between males and females in leading positions. Another reason for not supporting
this
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approach
Use synonyms
, is the fact that developed countries
are recently adding
Suggestion
have recently been adding
have recently added
 more genders to the
gender
Use synonyms
 list. Nowadays,
In addition
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 to males and females,
transgenders
Suggestion
Transgenders
 are being considered as a separate
gender
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, requiring companies to give females priority today might open other doors in the future.
Moreover
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, I think that
this
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approach
Use synonyms
 has proved to be ineffective when it came
to
Suggestion
of
 age, race, and religion, and will continue to fail in other areas.
For example
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, years ago some countries passed bills that forced companies to promote people because of their age, race or religion, and companies’
preformances
a dramatic or musical entertainment
performance
 in these countries deteriorated significantly during that period. In conclusion, I believe that females are not getting fair chances when it comes to
aquiring
the act of acquiring something
acquiring
 leading positions in their corporations.
However
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, to overcome
this
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 challenge we should not determine a certain quota for women in their working places. In my
opinion
Accept comma addition
opinion, this
this
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 would decrease the performance of these companies, as people with lower qualifications will be promoted because of their
gender
Use synonyms
, and will open doors for other genders to ask for dedicated quotas in the future. I think that giving everyone their fair chance
withought
in absence of
without
 looking at their
gender
Use synonyms
 would eventually result in an increase of women working in high-level positions.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender disparity
  • glass ceiling
  • workforce representation
  • gender diversity
  • equal opportunity
  • professional advancement
  • social equality
  • gender equality
  • empowerment
  • barrier
  • discrimination
  • inequality
  • bias
  • reinforce
  • inclusive
  • combat
  • strive for
  • promote
  • nurture
  • enhance
  • progressive
  • implement
  • quota system
What to do next:
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