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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 to 2000.

The chart below shows the number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 to 2000.
The bar chart illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of three major airports
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
being used by visitors in New York
city
Change the capitalization
City
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from
Change preposition
between
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 1995 and 2000 In 1995, the
number
Use synonyms
 of passengers using John
F.Kennedy
Correct your spelling
F. Kennedy
were
Change the verb form
was
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 more than 20
Use synonyms
Add the preposition
ofmillions
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millions
Correct your spelling
million
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 people. The
number
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
35
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
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 in 1996, and
continure
Correct your spelling
continue
increased
Change the verb form
to increase
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 to nearly 50
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 passengers using
this
Linking Words
 major airport in 1997. But John F.kennedy
haf
Correct your spelling
have
had
 decreased in the
next
Linking Words
 year – in 1998 . In 1999, there were about 32
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people using
this
Linking Words
 major. In 2000 , the
number
Use synonyms
 has blown up to 23
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. The passenger using LaGuardia in 1995 was about 35
milions
Correct your spelling
millions
million
miles
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and increased
ti
Correct your spelling
to
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 39 nukkuns in 1996. The
number
Use synonyms
 wasn’t down till 1997 , it’s
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
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 to
reached
Change the form of the verb
reach
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
42
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 passengers . In 1998 , there were 48
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
traverllers
Correct your spelling
travellers
 using LaGuardia , and the
number
Use synonyms
 had up to 50
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1999 and
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rise
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
show examples
 to nearly 70 million in 2000 Newark had 15
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 passenger in 1995, and the
number
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased to 25 million in 1996. IN 1997, there were 38
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 people using
this
Linking Words
 major airport. The
number
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
rose
raised
rises
rised
Correct your spelling
rose
show examples
 to 42
Use synonyms
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
 in 1998, and
this
Linking Words
Linking Words
also
Add a missing verb
is also
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
passenger
Change to a plural noun
passengers
show examples
 using Newark in 1999 and 2000

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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, millions with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rised" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • significant increase
  • highest number
  • steady increase
  • largest growth
  • dramatic
  • slowest growth
  • slight decrease
  • gradual increase
  • period
  • travelers
  • major airports
  • followed by
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