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Band 6.5

Some people believe that success is about hard work and determination. Others think that success has a connection with money and personal appearance. Discuss both views. Give your opinion and some of your own experiences.

#people #success #work #determination #connection #money #appearance #experiences
People have different views about factors leading to people’s achievements. While I agree that material wealth and physical
appearance
 are essential, I believe that diligence and persistence are more significant. On the one hand, it is no doubt true that money and personal
appearance
 play a pivotal role in attaining accomplishments.
Firstly
, those who were born in affluent families typically have a good foundation for their development and prosperity.
For instance
, they could easily start their own business without borrowing money from the bank or have a better education, which allows them to get a secure job in the future.
Secondly
, nowadays, it often appears that attractive
appearance
 is of paramount importance to certain key sectors
such
 as entertainment or fashion. Indeed, if a singer or a model is beautiful, it is possible for her to draw much attention from audiences and have greater opportunities to climb the social ladder.
On the other hand
, I am of opinion that determined and industrious people are likely to have better chances of success. Perhaps the principal reason is that not everyone is fortunate enough to be born
in
Suggestion
into
 wealthy families or to be beautiful, but by putting a great deal of effort, they could achieve their goals. The clearest example of
this
 is that despite the absence of four limbs, Nick Vujicic learned to write
by
Suggestion
from
 his mouth and successfully earned a bachelor degree with a double major; he is now a famous motivational speaker,
traveling
the act of going from one place to another
travelling
 around the world to inspire the youth. The other reason is that
major success
Suggestion
a major success
 seldom comes easily without perseverance. One of the notable examples is Thomas Edison, a well-known inventor, who conducted countless experiments and
also
 failed thousands of times before eventually inventing the working light bulb In conclusion,
although
 I acknowledge that money and personal
appearance
 significantly contribute to people’s success, I would argue that the role of being hard working and persistent is far more crucial.
Submitted by lulaluclacfamily on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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