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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work
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In the current modern world due to several factors the current population has improved
life
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expectancy
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,
hence
Linking Words
 some people say that the retirement
age
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 of the people should be increased. The access to the world of information which has made people more aware and advancement in medical sciences have helped people
to
Suggestion
with
 an increased
life
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expectancy
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. If we compare to 3 or 4 decades back more people have access to better medical facilities and access to clean water and sanitation
.
Accept space
.
 The people are more informed
hence
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, the
dieseases
an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning
diseases
 are
also
Linking Words
 being detected at earlier stages and
hence
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 not turning fatal. Several factors have resulted in the average
age
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 of
population
Suggestion
the population
 to increase
on
Suggestion
to
 the universal level. But it's
also
Linking Words
 important to understand that whether just increase in the
life
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expectancy
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is
Suggestion
has been
 enough or do we need to
also
Linking Words
 look at the quality of
life
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 people have during these time periods. We come across a lot of mental and physical illness in people after
age
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 of 60 which were not the case before as we see more people living after 65 and
hence
Linking Words
 it become very crucial that we keep in account how healthy people are in their old
age
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 and are they fit enough mentally and
physcially
in accord with physical laws
physically
 to work for more years. In the
end I
Accept comma addition
end, I
 would say that with increasing
life
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expectancy
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 and more need for financial support,
average retirement
Suggestion
the average retirement age
age
Use synonyms
 should be increased as the people in these
age
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group
Suggestion
groups
 are in need of more help and people are healthy enough to contribute at various levels.
Submitted by kumarmadhav872 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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