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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, many young adults find the consumption of energy drinks as a reliable way to recover from exhaustion and stress. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#adults #consumption #energy #drinks #exhaustion #stress #development
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Present days, peers think that they can lower their level of frustration and tiredness by having more
energy
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drinks
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. It is a good source of reducing
such
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 difficulties. I am completely against
this
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 activity because it can lead to different harmful diseases. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss the harms of
energy
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drinks
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.
Firstly
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, a lot of universities and college
students
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 are depressed
due to
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 their studies and at
this
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 level,
students
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 just want to get relaxed by doing any activity or using any medicine, either
this
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 is not good for their physical
health
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 but they do it to get relaxed. One of the very commonly used products for tension reduction is an
energy
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 drink. In a survey by the World
Health
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 Organization in 2022, it was proved that an increasing number of
health
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issues
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 among youngsters are because of the consumption of
energy
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drinks
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 daily.
That is
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 why different countries in the world have imposed a ban on the selling of
such
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 products.
Secondly
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, youngsters nowadays think that only the use of
energy
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drinks
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 can make them calm but it is not true if
students
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 use
energy
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drinks
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 in excessive amounts it can lead to high blood pressure, diabetes, heart
issues
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, and
issues
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 of stomach. Recently, in PIMS Hospital Islamabad, a patient who recovered from high blood pressure and diabetes after suffering for 4 months said that he was having some
issues
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 with his university education and
also
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 some family problems, so he started the consumption of strong
energy
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drinks
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 that affected him so badly he had to suffer from a hospital time. In conclusion,
students
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 at present are using a lot of
energy
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drinks
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 which hurts their
health
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. In my opinion, governments should take strict action against these kinds of
drinks
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.
Submitted by jhonyxxx579 on

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coherence cohesion
For a better score in coherence and cohesion, it is essential to use more varied and complex sentence structures to link ideas together. Work on the logical flow of information and ideas throughout the essay. Incorporate clear transitions and connectors to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
To fully address the task, ensure that your introduction clearly states the overall stance on whether you believe the development is positive or negative, avoiding general statements. In the body paragraphs, provide a balanced discussion, including both sides of the argument before stating your final opinion. Present focused and fully developed ideas, making sure they directly relate to the question prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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