IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that the biggest problem facing cities is the increasing number of cars. Others say there more serious problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #cities #cars
There is no doubt that the rate of
crime
 had increased in the past century to an extreme level.Each Year, the collected rates is significantly higher than the previous year.Most of the people think that the main reason for the violent behaviours of the communities is media,
on the contrary
, others believe that
poverty
 and
lack
 of
education
 contributes to
this
 cause with much more.
Firstly
, if we have a look at Social Media, Movies and video games, It is clear to everyone that all the content includes violent actions and behaviours which makes aggression socially acceptable leading to higher rates of
crime
.
On the other hand
, the majority think that
poverty
 and the need for life essentials
such
 as food and shelter has much greater influence on the increasing
crime
 rate and criminals. In my opinion media,
poverty
 and
lack
 of
education
 are all on the same level and must be tackled and treated by the governments.
Moreover
,
lack
 of
education
 is one of the main reasons of developing ignorant persons whom they don't yield to any law. By default those whom are not educated will tend to have no jobs and
accordingly
 no income or means of supporting their way of living,
hence
 due to
poverty
 and the need of surviving the
crime
 rates will increase. Some say that providing proper
education
 to the young ones and teaching them from a young age will help them have self discipline and
accordingly
 self control, leading to a better lifestyle and
accordingly
 decreasing the percentage of
crime
 in those generations.
However
 the rest still insists that the problems coming from the media side are much more severe as nowadays, technologies are reachable and accessible for everyone and they are the main reason for the aggression in the society. In conclusion, wither its media,
lack
 of
education
 or
poverty
, all are essential contributors in increasing the
crime
 rate and governments must have a very strict plan to face those challenges and provide solutions.
Submitted by khaled.essmat.eissa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: