Many people in the music business feel that illegal music sites on the internet are a serious threat to the industry and more should be done to prevent them from operating. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Overall
, I agree with the statement that there are so many
websites
on the internet which are not legal, and these sites impose a serious risk to the whole music industry.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
some actions must be taken in order to stop these sites from working. The first and foremost reason for my agreement is that these
websites
are created by either local
people
or hackers, and
this
is actually a breach of privacy. These
people
have no rights and permissions to operate them, but still, in order to earn money and subscribers they upload unauthentic songs and other
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
of actual singers.
However
,
this
is not legal in any
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and is a threat to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
privacy.
For example
, on
Add a comma
Youtube,
show examples
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
there are so many links and accounts created by anonymous individuals where they have uploaded videos and songs of famous musicians, which are
copyright
Wrong verb form
copyrighted
show examples
and unauthorised.
In addition
to
this
, these fake
websites
are not safe. It is common to see that they have attracted titles of popular songs to lure
people
, and when
people
click on these links,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
sensitive information
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
hacked.
Moreover
, sometimes these
people
alternate the music and lyrics of the original song which is illegal and unacceptable.
Also
,
people
operating these sites are earning money after having millions of
subscibers
Correct your spelling
subscribers
on their channels. If we talk about measures to refrain
people
from
this
activity
then
the government has to take necessary steps.
For example
, the government must apply a background check for a person before they open accounts on
youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
or activate any illegal website. There should be a tight security check, and
also
if any individual tries to upload
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
content which does not belong to them
then
that should be prohibited. In conclusion, there are
people
who are
resposible
Correct your spelling
responsible
for operating
websites
without being legal, and
this
is imposing a serious threat to the whole music industry, but with proper government
intervention
Add a comma
intervention,
show examples
people
could be refrained from doing so.
Submitted by harleenarora620 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Work on making transitions between paragraphs smoother to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
cohesion
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to elevate the writing style.
task response
Provide more specific examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments.
task response
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and increase the precision of language to get a higher score.
content
The essay presents a clear position and directly addresses the task.
structure
All necessary components are included such as a clear introduction and conclusion.
content
The essay covers multiple aspects of the issue, showing depth in the response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intellectual property
  • piracy
  • copyright infringement
  • revenue loss
  • digital rights management (DRM)
  • streaming platforms
  • illegal downloads
  • file sharing
  • economic impact
  • ethical considerations
  • music royalties
  • legislation
  • consumer ethics
  • affordable alternatives
  • music industry sustainability
  • emerging artists
  • legitimate sources
  • pirated content
  • distribution platforms
  • technological countermeasures
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!