IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram shows how concentrated apple juice is oroduced.

The diagram shows how concentrated apple juice is oroduced.
#apple #juice
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The given diagram illustrates information about the procedure for making concentrated
apple
Use synonyms
 juice.
Overall
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the
diagram
Add a comma
,diagram
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 there are eleven stages in the process of producing concentrated
apple
Use synonyms
 juice. The process begins with harvesting and selecting
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 apples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the farms.Harvested and selected apples are put on receiving belt in order to be washed and sorted.
Then
Linking Words
 they are
transfered
Correct your spelling
transferred
 into the
apple
Use synonyms
 grinder.After that
grinded
Correct your spelling
ground
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apples are sent into the pressing machine to separate water from
apple
Use synonyms
concentration
Use synonyms
 by
cetrifuger
Correct your spelling
centrifuge
.
Followning
Correct your spelling
Following
 that,
aroma
Add an article
the aroma
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 is added to
concentration
Use synonyms
. In the
next
Linking Words
 stage, the
concentration
Use synonyms
 is filtered and
then
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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boiled to 80'c to be pasteurized.
Next
Linking Words
, bottles are filled with
concentration
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 packed.
Finally
Linking Words
, they are ready to be delivered.
Submitted by alinezhadatefe110 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "next".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words apple, concentration with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagram" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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