IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

in some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are sever or eight

#countries #children #education #four #years #school #eight
People in some part of the world
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that,only by
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 4 years ,children should start their former education ;
while
 some stick to the norm that 6 or 7 is the apt
age
 to start their schooling. I totally agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the second thought of school that education should start only at the
age
 of 6 or 7.    
Firstly
, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 children
are not send
Change the verb form
are not sent
show examples
 to school until the
age
 of 6 or 7 because
that is
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they should get
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 assistance and care from their family to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
For instance
 ,in India schooling starts at the
age
 of 6 or 7
therefore
 they get enough
time
 to spend with their family
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
especially 
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 and grandparents .
This
 quality
time
 can indirectly
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a great impact on their character and behavior as they get
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 support which is crucial for a better upbringing.    
secondly
 ,childhood is the most amazing and memorable part
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
ones
Change noun form
one's
show examples
 life
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 can enjoy and later cherish
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. In fact,
this
 is the only
time
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 they do not have to think of their responsibilities and enjoy the most. As
Correct article usage
a mater
show examples
mater
Correct your spelling
matter
show examples
 of fact ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
personally feel that as we grow we have endless responsibilities and enough struggles which we have to go through
however
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 only good memories which
last
 long and
hols
Correct your spelling
hold
show examples
 up
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
are our childhood
time
 and how we enjoyed being free.    
To conclude
,by extending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schooling to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
age
 of 6 or 7 , children will get more
time
 with parents and grandparents which
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
 a huge impact .
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 they get enough
time
 to enjoy their childhood which they can cherish later on
Submitted by raichelseba1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: