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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is quite common for both parents in a family to work. Sometimes this is because they need two salaries to survive whereas other times it is their choice. What are the problems you see in this situation? How does this affect the children and the family life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience.

Parents
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in shaping their
children
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’s development. In today’s society,
while
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 some
parents
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 are forced to
work
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 because of household expenses, others choose to
work
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 to improve their lifestyle or personal satisfaction.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before giving a personal opinion. One of the main problems when both
parents
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work
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 is that they have less
time
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 to spend with their
children
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.
As a result
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, family communication decreases, and
children
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 may feel neglected or emotionally distant.
For example
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, some psychological studies demonstrate that
children
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 who cannot spend enough
time
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 with their
parents
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 are more likely to develop feelings of loneliness or insecurity.
Especially newborns
Correct word order
Newborns especially
show examples
 need their mother’s emotional support during the early stages of development.
However
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, some
parents
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 lack awareness of these important stages and prefer to focus on improving themselves or building their careers
instead
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.
On the other hand
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, there are many
parents
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 who cannot afford their household expenses, bills, and personal needs, and
this
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 situation causes a financial burden on the family.
As a result
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,
parents
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 are often required to
work
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 long hours, leaving them with little
time
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 or energy to engage with their
children
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. Over
time
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,
this
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 can cause stress, fatigue, and a lack of emotional connection within the family.
For instance
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, many
children
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 whose
parents
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work
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 full-
time
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 tend to spend more
time
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 alone or in front of screens, which can negatively affect their emotional well-being.
To sum up
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,
while
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 some
parents
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 choose to
work
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 for personal satisfaction, others have to
work
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due to
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 financial reasons.
Parents
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 should be aware that they need to be with their
children
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 at least until a certain age and act
accordingly
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.

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task response
Make your own view very clear at the end of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use more linking words to show how ideas go with each other.
examples
Give more exact examples with numbers, facts or names where possible.
structure
Good start with a clear view of both sides.
balance
Links show how the problem affects family life.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income families
  • work-life balance
  • parent-child interaction
  • childcare services
  • financial stability
  • career-oriented parents
  • emotional development
  • social development
  • household responsibilities
  • parental supervision
  • academic performance
  • family cohesion
  • time management
  • pressure of modern living
  • outsourcing parenting
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