IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Most countries have traditional celebrations that ocur annually. İn Your opininon, what benefits do these celebrations have for society? Support your opinion with reasons and examples from your own knowladge or experience.

#countries #celebrations #ocur #i̇n #opininon #society #support #knowladge
Nowadays traditional celebrations
is
Suggestion
are
 crucial for many
society
Suggestion
societies
. Because of these conditions have a great
benefits
Suggestion
benefit
 for citizens as well as society welfare level.
For
instance provide
Accept comma addition
instance, provide
 become together citizens out of
work
, provide release stress throughout
year
Suggestion
the year
 and provide keep in touch of citizens. An important benefit of traditional celebrations that provide become together citizens out of
work
 place. The people spend
to
to a degree exceeding normal or proper limits
too
many
Suggestion
much
 the with
work
 place with
coullage
an associate that one works with
colleagues
.
However usually
Accept comma addition
However, usually
 workplace is being formal area and has a formal act.
This
 case caused some problems.
For example
this
(used to introduce a logical conclusion) from that fact or reason or as a result
thus
 able to take place distant
releationship
a relation between people; ('relationship' is often used where 'relation' would serve, as in 'the relationship between inflation and unemployment', but the preferred usage of 'relationship' is for human relations or states of relatedness)
relationships
 among
coullages
an associate that one works with
colleagues
 and indirectly among citizens in
work
 time. İn addition to the traditional celebrations supply that releasing stress of throughout
year
Suggestion
the year
 with other people and other families. The people usually vacation with just their nuclear family to releasing stress.
However traditional
Accept comma addition
However, traditional
celebrations particularly
Accept comma addition
celebrations, particularly
ocur
come to pass
occur
occurs
 annually celebrations supply
entartainment
an activity that is diverting and that holds the attention
entertainment
, enjoy,
besides
 keep out
intense business world
Suggestion
the intense business world
 together.
Other
Suggestion
Another
 benefit of traditional celebrations that ensure keep in touch of citizens.
This
 is especially significant in the modern world.
Also
, with improving technology, widespread use of social media looming some problems. One of the most important of these is lack of contact
among
Suggestion
between
 citizens. İn order to avoid of
this
 problem, traditional celebrations of great importance for society. Humans have been enjoying
celebrations
Suggestion
the celebrations
 since ancient times. Taking into account all of these, we able to see that the traditional celebrations are how many important for citizen life and social life. (245 words)

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: