Being a celebrity - such as a movie star or professional athlete - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity has more benefits or drawbacks?
Being a celebrity comes with disadvantages
as well as
advantages. This
essay will argue that there are greater benefits of
Change preposition
to
this
than drawbacks. The essay will first demonstrate that popularity affords stars many opportunities and secondly
, that it helps them impact society for good, followed by an analysis of the major drawback, which is societal pressure.
One major benefit that many celebrities enjoy, is easy access to chances to make money. This
is because, companies would usually recognize their value as social icons and want to exploit this
to grow their businesses, by paying them to serve as brand ambassadors for their products. For example
, an article published in 2002 by the New York Times, reported that Michael Jordan made over 1000% more, from advertisements than from what he earned as a pro basketball player. Furthermore
, being popular can give superstars the power to influence society to do good. The reason for this
is that they are well respected by their fans who would normally accept whatever they stand for as truth. For instance
, in 1999, a number of musicians and actors, including Michael Jackson, used the 'Heal the World' movement to raise funds that helped to eradicate starvation in Sudan.
Despite these, a major drawback would be that fame puts people under pressure. Consequently
, this
could lead to depression or even suicide, among star performers, although
there is little evidence to support this
claim. To illustrate, a recent survey by the Mental Health Foundation in the UK, showed that celebrities are 4 times happier and mentally healthier than the average citizen.
In conclusion, the popularity that famous people have,
comes with benefits Remove the comma
apply
as well as
drawbacks. This
essay believes that those advantages, such
as helping them advance financially, as well as
influence
the world for charitable causes, Wrong verb form
influencing
outweighs
the flawed argument that it mounts undue pressure on stars.Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly restate the essay's position and key points. Use linking words to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
task response
Provide more depth in the analysis of the major drawback and consider possible counterarguments to strengthen the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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