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Writing Samples
Band 7

Successful sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while think this is unfair. Discuss both view and give your opinion

These days, earning a significant income from a successful career in
sports
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 is common among
professionals
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 around the world. Some argue that these high
salaries
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 are justified
due to
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 the dedication and challenging work involved,
while
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 others believe it is unfair that essential professions
such
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 as teaching or medicine, which benefit society greatly, often offer lower
salaries
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both viewpoints and argue that professional
sports
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 players' high
salaries
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 are justified
due to
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 their impact on society and the short duration of their careers. On one hand, it is often seen as unjustified that professions requiring extensive education,
such
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 as teaching or medicine, receive relatively low
salaries
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 compared to
sports
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professionals
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.
This
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 disparity arises because these jobs are numerous and have a steady supply of workers, which can drive
salaries
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 down.
In contrast
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, high
salaries
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 for
sports
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professionals
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 reflect their unique skills, limited career span, and the high revenue they generate for their teams and countries.
Conversely
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,
sports
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professionals
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 can positively influence young people. Their presence and success on social media can inspire children to adopt good habits, build confidence, and develop problem-solving skills.
For example
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, young fans may emulate the discipline and work ethic of their
sports
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 idols, which can have a beneficial impact on their behaviour and personal development.
Moreover
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, the short-lived nature of
sports
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 careers, often
due to
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 health issues and intense physical demands, justifies the high
salaries
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.
Sports
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professionals
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 invest significant time and effort into their training and often face injuries that can cut their careers short. The high earnings compensate for the physical risks and the relatively brief period during which they can perform at their peak.
Additionally
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, their success can bring significant financial and reputational benefits to their countries, enhancing local economies and attracting international attention. In conclusion,
while
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 it is understandable to question the disparity in earnings between
sports
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professionals
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 and those in essential fields, the high
salaries
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 for athletes are justified by their significant impact, limited career duration, and the financial benefits they bring.
Thus
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, these high
salaries
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 are not only a reflection of their individual dedication but
also
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 their broader contribution to society.

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task achievement
Ensure you maintain clear and consistent viewpoint throughout the essay to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Try to incorporate more specific and varied examples to better support your points and make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow and connection of ideas. This will increase the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
The essay is clear, comprehensive, and well-organized, presenting a balanced discussion of both viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, and the conclusion provides a strong summary of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points in each paragraph are well-supported and relevant to the topic, demonstrating a good understanding of the subject.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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