IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that private health care is better for the people. Other say that health care should be free of charge and run by the government. How far do you agree or disagree with the statements given?

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Some people argue that private hospitals are beneficial,
while
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 some believe that
health
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care
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 is something which should be provided for free and must be run by
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government
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the government
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. From my point of view, private
health
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care
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 is better than the
government
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 ones for a number of reasons.
Firstly
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, private hospitals can afford to hire good experienced doctors.
This
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 means that,
due to
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 their experience and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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educational qualifications, they can provide better diagnosis and timely treatment.
Secondly
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, they offer better facilities in terms of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 not only for the patients but even for the caregivers.
This
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 is of utmost importance as it gives comfort
for
Change preposition
to
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 the family that the patient is in good and hygienic surroundings. Latest technology is another reason why private
health
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cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 preferred over
government
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 centres. With the availability of
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 test machines, an in-depth analysis is possible which helps the doctors find the root cause of the disease.
However
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,
government
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health
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cares
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care
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 important too because every individual is entitled to get the necessary
health
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care
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services
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.
This
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 is where the
government
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 hospitals prove to be beneficial as they offer free
services
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 which can be utilized by the people who cannot afford private
centers
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centres
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. But free
services
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 have
got its
Verb problem
their
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 own disadvantages
such
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 as long waiting
list
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lists
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 which may prove fatal for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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patients who might need treatment on an emergency basis.
To sum up
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, even though
government
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health
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care
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services
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 may look lucrative because of the cost, private
services
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 are much better
specially
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especially
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 when it comes to serious
disease
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diseases
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such
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 as Cancer which may need timely diagnosis and better treatment.

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task response
Ensure all parts of the prompt are fully addressed and provide a clear opinion on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized and coherent, but could benefit from a clearer introduction and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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