IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that having a set retierment age for everybody, regardless of occupation is unfair

#people #retierment #age #everybody #occupation
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Some people believe that it is unjust to everyone to have a fix
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 (65 years) for all jobs without considering the nature of
work
Use synonyms
. They
also
Linking Words
 believe that employee of certain employment
retire much
Suggestion
retires, much
retires much
 before than 65 years and should have started getting pension at
a
Suggestion
an
 early
age
Use synonyms
. I totally agree
to
Suggestion
with
this
Linking Words
 norm, where few think, a set
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 is an injustice to the employee of certain employment.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 should be allotted to certain
work
Use synonyms
 according the amount of physical effort and strain needed for it. The nature of
work
Use synonyms
 should be taken into consideration.
For instance
Linking Words
, people who
work
Use synonyms
 with loading and unloading heavy objects need
lot
Suggestion
a lot
 of manual
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
.
This
Linking Words
 kind of job which requires physical strength throughout their
life
Use synonyms
 till
retirement
Use synonyms
 is a great matter of concern as their health is
been
the state or fact of existing
being
 affected.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the amount of physical
work
Use synonyms
 and power needed are
important factor
Suggestion
important factors
an important factor
 to consider before generalizing the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, while deciding the
age
Use synonyms
for
Suggestion
of
retirement
Use synonyms
 one should take the risk factors involved in it into account. Risk factors were their
life
Use synonyms
 existence is in question. For solders and army offices that sever our nation at the Indian border are
at
Suggestion
in
 most danger. They live a do-or-die situation
.
Accept space
.
Hence
Linking Words
, for them
a
Suggestion
an
 early retire
life
Use synonyms
 will be a great return for saving our lives where they can have
peaceful
Suggestion
a peaceful life
life
Use synonyms
 after their duty to the Nation. To conclude, I think everyone should consider the nature of
work
Use synonyms
 as a criteria for setting a
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
. Physical
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 and the risk factor associated with the
work
Use synonyms
are
Suggestion
is
 two of the important factors considering the
age
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by raichelseba1992 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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