IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many Students prefer to play computer games rather than play sports. Why is this? What can be done to tackle the problem?

#students #computer #games #sports
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Most of
Add an article
the researches
show examples
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 proved that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human health is
getting
Verb problem
being
show examples
 reduced
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of physical
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 and the same argument has been
confimed
Correct your spelling
confirmed
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physician
Fix the agreement mistake
physicians
show examples
 as well.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the current
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 which courses the subject matter and how we can overcome
by
Correct pronoun usage
it by
show examples
 instructing for a change. In
this
Linking Words
 dynamic
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are living like a robot.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is very important to
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
 that they
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 feel their body is getting depreciated over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time.
This
Linking Words
 must be
due to
Linking Words
 the huge workload they have to perform at work.
Accordingly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
practise
Correct your spelling
practice
show examples
 will continue for a long time and
this
Linking Words
 will become a routine of the
people
Use synonyms
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
instance, take
korean
Change the capitalization
Korean
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are working more than 10 hours per day. They
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 want to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise,
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 they need to get some rest. The life cycle of an average person in
this
Linking Words
 society can be changed by educating the importance of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health. Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society is blindly running after money, they will never know
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day, nothing
earned
Add a missing verb
is earned
show examples
 but lost health.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is very critical to
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
 everyone at
thire
Correct your spelling
their
 young age. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example,
steve jobs
Correct your spelling
Steve Jobs
show examples
 died in the middle age
whereas
Linking Words
 world famous football player Pele enjoyed more than the years Steve had. In summary, it is a
practicle
Correct your spelling
practical
practice
 issue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are not aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 their current pattern of
day
Replace the word
daily
show examples
 life so they do not involve in
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
outdoor
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, someone should start delivering the
massage
Correct your spelling
message
show examples
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 valuable to have stamina to your body by engaging
some
Change preposition
in some
show examples
 physical exercises.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is always recommended to stop and look back
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 way you came from and think forward
how
Change preposition
to how
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things to be changed.
Submitted by gunasekara.chanaka on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: